So we had our social worker visit and it went really well. Of course, I was cleaning and sweeping from the night before and putting out fresh flowers just to give the place that special sparkle. She was really pleasant and it went really well. DH did most of the talking, oddly (I’m usually the chatty one) and Juno chewed on a rawhide. She behaved like an angel right on cue! Just to remind you, we had to have this visit according to the state’s requirement. She said she was there basically to make sure we didn’t have holes in the walls and pot plants hanging on the windowsill since the last time we had someone over. In BC, you don’t have to have a social worker visit once your homestudy is complete until after you have brought an infant home. And lucky for us, she only has to come 3 more times when that happens. I did show her the photo I had purchased (2 years ago!) in anticipation of having a child. It’s a picture of a Buddha’s hand cradling a flower. Yes, it’s still sitting in the 2nd bedroom, waiting patiently to be framed and hung.
I have said this before in a protected post, but I’ll say it again that you may want to consider going directly the States if you’re looking at private adoption. You just have Hague approved lawyers and check references. This really depends on individual circumstances of course, but there are a few things I would have done differently. One of my fellow bloggers in BC got a match within a week! I was kind of hoping I’d be one of those people! The universe however had other plans for me. You can’t count on any access to the rest of Canada in your search. Each province handles adoption differently and the ministries only look within their own province. This is why some people are told they may be waiting for 5 years or more. And let’s face it, it’s a numbers game and I’m assuming there are more adoption opportunities in the States.
I’d have to say the waiting part has been the most emotionally challenging. We’d been seriously trying since 2004 to have a child and it’s not like you can turn that yearning off like a spout. I even told the expectant mom that if we hadn’t met her we were going to call a halt to adoption plans by the end of the year. It was just too hard on me. And the constant stress during this recession has seriously whipped hubby’s butt. I don’t know how he’s going to react to fatherhood (in terms of not getting enough sleep; he barely made it with Juno) and most guys I know aren’t too crazy about babies cause they can’t kick a ball or laugh at their fart jokes. I hear guys talk about not wanting to support another man’s child but women are expected to raise their man’s children.
Does anyone have any kind of input about how couples deal with the new infant experience?
Sometimes I get freaked out and think what if I suck at motherhood and have a breakdown cause I finally got what I wanted and now I can’t handle it? Then I remember all we’ve been through so far, all the heartbreaks and shattered hopes and angry words. I remember I have Gohonzon. I’ll be fine.