Archive | October 2009

Hallowe’eny JuJu

Alas, was busy today and didn’t make it over to the pet store for a cheap costume so just dressed her up in dumb stuff.


Hallowe'eny bandana


Cowboy Hat


towel head


Underwear head - - ooh scary!

I had a wig to put on her but she kept attacking it, so I had to make do with these ones while she chewed on various stuffed toys.


Cooking up something

Busy day ahead of me, trying to cook up a couple of easy dishes to take to my girlfriend’s house today, walk the dog.  Then walk her dog (our dogs don’t hang so well together, hers is nearly blind and mine will be into everything) and hang out with her, this will be her first day on her own.  I’ve gotten all my typing work done (yay 20 hrs!) and can relax for the weekend.  Was out the other day and noticed an apartment building all decorated for Hallowe’en.  You know, it’s always been a dream of mine to have a house and decorate it for all the kids in the neighbourhood.  Complete with headstones and creepy music.   Hubby could hide in the bushes and scare the crap out of them and the friendly witch (me) would give them candy.  Right now I’m considering getting a costume for the dog.  Omigod, I finally cracked.

By the way, I got a callback yesterday.  Here’s hoping I get another pleasant phonecall today.

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All sorts of news

I’ve read about 20 blogs through ICLW.  Found this link on a comment on Getting There’s blog.  The article from Resolve addresses the fallout of infertility for family and friends.  I hadn’t read it before.  I skimmed through it quickly (I lived it so looking back was a bit discomforting).  I snorted a lot and head bobbed.    A very good article.  Mmm, I wonder why fertility clinics don’t hand it out, it is after all a place where you spend a great deal of time….. oh, I know why – cause it’s depressing!  I’m am so sorry,  take this article and can you go out the back door please?  Please come again with better eggs/sperm!

Also, another article on RELAXING.  I’m sure fertility clinics sponsored this study.  So helpful.  That’s why new clinics are starting up with acupuncture and wellness programs.  Ka-ching!  Okay, I’m not saying they don’t work, cause they do. I just kinda tweaked on the headline of just relax.  It brought out the bitter betty in me.

In other news, what’s with this H1N1 eh?  I went to pick up my mum on Tuesday and take her to see my friend’s spanking new baby and there was a notice on the door about not coming in due to flu like symptoms.  So I called the nurse on my cell for an update.  There was no definitive news but he said it would be best not to come in until they knew more and as I was on my way to the maternity ward, I felt it would be best to not go in.

And then for the first time, I considered getting the vaccine.  Cause I thought it’s either I don’t see my mum or I don’t see my friend and her baby for the next 3 months.  I don’t want to be responsible for making my friend sick (not sure if she knows a young mother in Abbotsford died or not and I’m not telling her).  Her and her entire family are germophobes.  Her mother showed up at the hospital wearing an ozone thing around her neck.  It was the size of a pager. Now I did wear gloves and a mask once when my mum’s had a Norwalk virus outbreak, but I still went to see her when she was sick to check on her.  Nobody was gonna keep me from my momma.  But, come on, I didn’t see any doctors running around in hazmat suits with yellow caution tape on the hospital doors.

Crap, I do not want to get this vaccine.  I put enough toxins in my body.   Now, I’m not anti-vaccine at all, but when it comes to flu shots, I’ve never felt the urgent need to get one.  My mum lives in residential care, so they all get one anyway.  Their vaccinations don’t start until next week.   I’ve gone in there before during the regular flu/Norwalk virus outbreaks, and with the regular precautions like washing my hands, I’ve never gotten the flu.  I’ve had bad colds in my life, but never the flu.  I don’t know why, I don’t wish to provoke the flu gods, but the upside of being perpetually underemployed is that I don’t come into contact with a lot of hacking, sneezing people who leave their germs on the phones or doorknobs.  Though, recently this year, I’ve gone back to wearing contacts (cause I broke my glasses) so my fingers are in my eyes more than usual. Oh, man.  I’m getting glasses.

I just called the home and it’s confirmed that it’s not the H1N1, and the flu is not on their floor anyway.  Frankly, it could just be a common cold, but they are always cautious.  They’re just keeping the residents inside and just making visitors use antiseptic hand gel.

See, there is always something for me to worry about.  Now where is my mask?



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She arrived!

Well, my friend finally had her baby girl this morning, she’s healthy at 5 lbs, 4 oz.  I cried a lot.  My friend asked if I would like to hold her and of course, I just melted and cried some more.  I brought some bubbly, cause it’s not a celebration until there’s delightful Italian prosecco! It rained all night and all morning, but when she was born, the sun shone brightly. I was so happy for her and proud of her.  She is an amazing woman, so full of light and strength.  I just wanted her to be happy and safe.

Hubby came by and the jokes started and he got a peek at the little angel too. We both know from the minute they got pregnant it would be a girl.  I looked at him and knew (as I always do when he comes to see his friends’ new child) that there is a touch of bitterness.  A sadness pulling at the corner of his eyes.  He would have had cigars.  He would have had that undeniable machismo swagger that biological connection gives you (I imagine).  He is so good at putting things behind him, but I could see it.  I could feel it.

I have only dreamed of giving birth myself, I could only offer support and daimoku and wait patiently in the wings.  I tossed and turned all night thinking of her.  I just wanted to be a good friend, a best friend.  I took a few pics, wanted to DO something useful.  I saw the typical images in a maternity ward, walking swollen mothers to be, anxious families waiting, excited chatter, soft moaning, the doula at her feet.  I could watch and be a witness, but never experience this ritual of giving birth.  Mind you, at my age, I should consider myself lucky for not experiencing the agony of a 13 hour labour. Yet I still, damn it, still, feel haunted by the spectre of the old dream.  The one where there are no lawyers, no papers, no social workers, no single young women.  Yes, they did IVF plus bells and whistles as well, but it worked for them the first time.  Like it does for a lot of people.  Her age and her uterus were on her side.    I am careful to remind myself that I am on another path, a different one.  I should not compare.  Had we not signed on for adoption, and chosen to be childless (as were pretty damn close to doing so), would I be further along my path to healing my ole infertile self?  Who knows?

All I know was that just for one moment when I looked down and saw my friend’s face and I looked into the face of her beautiful daughter, I was so happy, so grateful to share in their moment.  Grateful.

Ah, back to business as usual – waiting.

Someone’s having a baby

And no,  it’s not me.  Or Emily.  Very unlike her tardy nature (10 days early), my best friend’s water broke last night – so I expect she’ll have a baby sometime today.  So guess where I’ll be this afternoon!

*Update* – home now, my friend had a doula, a nurse and her husband in the room, and I was in a very uncomfortable waiting room, so came home to sleep.  Then of course, I started getting texts!  So now I can’t sleep.  So I’ll try to get some work done.