Why is nothing ever easy for us? And for the umpteenth time, we know the message is that it’s not about us.
Emily did not sign the papers today. Good news is that she didn’t ask for the baby back, but she was too emotional to sign the papers so the social workers had to leave it at that. It had taken us 45 minutes to reach an outlet mall and then we got the call from the social worker. We got out the car, baby in tow, and were numb. I went to the washroom and changed his diaper. We were surrounded by strollers and families and kids’ stores. It was too much. We drove back home. We held it together until we got back to the hotel. I fed him and held him and cried. I imagined we would be celebrating tonight. Making happy phone calls to friends and family.
I’m not entirely sure how this Emily’s turmoil is going to change in a day or even 10, but tonight, I’m going to feed him, change him, wash him, hold him. Maybe she needs a few more days,but maybe her answer is really no. I have no idea. No say, no control. It’s not my call. I just want what’s best for “my son” and if giving him back to his mother is what’s best(not according to me, but her), I am prepared to do it. I want to go home.