I have a lot to say, of course, but I may have to password protect some posts because of I’m only telling half the story of course. As it has been mentioned, my joy is also someone else’s grief, and I have to say that despite the myriad of emotions I’ve experienced these past few days, I always knew the price was high. I will post on this later.
I’d like to post pics but I didn’t bring my camera cord – so y’all going to have to wait a bit. My laptop also experienced a malfunction in transit (the screen colours are all messed up), so I’m using hubby’s. Frankly, I haven’t taken a lot of pictures, we’ve been so busy lately.
We were on our way to an outlet mall to pass the time the day we got the news that she didn’t sign. When we got there, we were so numb, we went straight back to the hotel. The next day, we attempted to go back to said outlet mall and then we got a call that she did sign so we detoured to the social agency. So…. one more time we set out for the mall – joyously, I might add, on a bright, warm, sunshiney day – and power shopped. Normally, this is an activity we would have devoted 6 hours to but with an infant in a car seat (we don’t have a stroller yet) , we had to call it quits after a few hours. We were way too tired. Ran out of steam. Hubby held me up at a sports store. Yeah, I’ve been buying some baby stuff. For my baby….. finally…. after so many years of looking at cute outfits for other people’s children. Strange to see hubby so excited about the gear. He’s thrilled at things he never gave a damn about before. For the first time, it’s an activity that isn’t tainted by sadness for me. And yeah, we’re a little tired of course. We’ve had a steep learning curve. We left the hospital with no doctor’s visit and scant advice. Put him to sleep on his back and newborns sneeze and hiccup a lot. Didn’t quite read What to Expect during the First Year before we left. Newborns mistake night for day, so that means I’m up for a couple hours during the early morning hours, feeding, changing diapers, etc. And then hubby takes over by 6:30 or so so I can sleep a couple more hours. Then of course, we get showered in shifts and have to feed, diaper the little one before we can even get out the door. Part of the problem is that we have spent a lot of time in the car cause we’re in the middle of nowhere so we have to drive a bit to get to a store. That means K dozes blissfully in the comfy sheepskin lined car seat for hours. We don’t drive that much at home.
Oh, I didn’t tell you his name – we’ll call him K. We also included a middle name and a 3rd name in honour of his birthmother. Thank goodness this kid likes his formula, he’s sucking it back like no tomorrow. He’s lovely, a latte colour right now but his colour is getting deeper. His feet are HUGE! He only cries when he’s hungry or needs a diaper changed and we’ve managed to figure out what he wants when he wants it. His clothes were wet a lot and we finally figured out we were overbundling him, so cautious we were to keep him warm. The little bugger was sweating! Errrr, sorry, kid.
We’re doing a lot of emailing, talking to lawyers, and of course with family and friends. We have people determined to give us their old baby stuff and it’s not that we don’t appreciate it, it’s just that we have waited so long for this, that we are having a lot of fun at looking and choosing items for ourselves. Frankly, this is the only thing that we don’t have to run by other people first, this is the only thing we do have control over and it feels so good. We’re bonding over our baby this way. We’re doing this as a family of 3. Do you have any idea what this means to us? My husband has been stealing these looks at me – his eyes filling with tears as he tells me how much he loves me as I’m feeding my son. Do you know what we have been through to get this little moment of sun on our faces? Don’t get me wrong, we were happy before, content to be just the two of us. It was enough. But so is this. So is this.