Tired, happy, annoyed

I’ve been a titch miserable with work on my mind (I stupidly took on more work from home and now I’m freaked out and tired) and trying to be super mom at the same time.   Note to self:  time to start saying no again.   I can’t continue to DO EVERYTHING as if nothing has changed in my life.  I just want to enjoy this holiday season with my new son.

I always get stressed at Christmas time; it’s usually filled with frantic gift buying, parking woes and reminders of my fractured family. I’ve yet to tell my eldest sister of our news.  What has helped is having an open house to welcome Special K to our community.  This weekend my friend and I took our babies to a Buddhist meeting and we were presented with a beautifully crafted cake welcoming them to the SGI family.  I was so touched, I cried.  I let them know how much their prayers and support over the years had meant to me.  The following day, more  friends came over to take a peek at the little guy.  The guys had some beers and the women had some wine.  One highlight was seeing my husband’s friend and their son they had adopted from Ethiopia  earlier this year.  I saw him and tears sprang to my eyes.  Gorgeous, simply gorgeous and running around checking out everything.  They had gone through a 2 year saga to bring him home.  Frig, if people only knew what some people are willing to go through to bring home a child!

I saw no need for a shower per se as we have so much already but I wanted everyone who cared about us to enjoy this time with us. Of course, we did get a few more gifts and more importantly, wine for me!  It was awesome because I didn’t have to endure stupid baby shower games and tales of labour and delivery.  How refreshing!

One thing I’ve noticed since I’m now toting a baby around is people’s reaction.  Of course, there are a number of people (our neighbours for instance) who had no idea we were adopting and are scratching their heads cause 1) they can’t recall seeing me pregnant and 2) Special K is a lot darker than my husband.  I don’t want to preface my introduction of my son with “adopted” every single time because of course that leads to a lot more questions that I don’t care to answer from casual acquaintances.  I just smile and accept the compliments on my figure.

Having a newborn child invites a great deal of scrutiny and comment, particularly from women.  I’m sure pregnant women have already experienced this phenomenon when strangers start grabbing their bellies and inquiring about birth plans and such.  Having missed that stage myself, I am now getting all sorts of unsolicited advice and information.  Mothers of all ages are the worse offenders.  If they know me, they assume my inexperience and ignorance is ongoing and they have to tell me what I simply MUST do.  Now since most of my friends have kids, they must have viewed my childless lifestyle as one of jetsetting and debauchery.  Which is true.  But I’m a woman of a certain age and I actually also know how to read a book and all infertiles have a degree from the University of Google.  Most of it is innocent, you know how women talk, but other times it’s disconcerting. If I want to know something, I’ll ASK, so shut up already.

A woman at my husband’s office, was kind enough to give us a gift of a beautiful quilt.  I’ve only met her once, but whatever.  Inside the chicken soup for mothers book she gave me (uhh, maybe one day I’ll read it) was a heartfelt note  followed by another one proffering advice about adoptive breastfeeding.  HUH?????   I met her once, people.  Once.  Ugh.

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15 thoughts on “Tired, happy, annoyed

  1. You have a child now, you’re in the club. People know what to say to you (even if it’s the wrong thing, or the last thing you want to hear). They know what peg to fit you in, now. Some feel an intimacy with you (another mother!!!) that isn’t really there. It is interesting to me to “observe” this (through your writing, as I experience my own change in status. People (in general) like to fit others into neat little categories. IF kind of screws that up.

    Still so happy for you.

  2. I honestly don’t know what it is about pregnancy and children that seem to turn people into social morons. It’s like those two things remove all the social barriers (at least for the offenders). Congrats on your new baby.

  3. Dear gawd, woman! You’re actually doing other work aside from caring for Special K? Just thinking of having more to do makes me bitchy. The fact that you also managed to write a blog post just confirms your status as my all-time hero.

    I have more to say but shoulder is cramping as I type lying down on my phone…hang in there with the silly advice givers…

  4. Dear new mom, let me give you some advice (ha-just kidding).

    The only advice I ever give anyone who brings home a new baby is that nobody gives a shit if you have showered that day, cause we all know it probably didn’t happen.

    When we brought S1 home, I had more assvice, most of it ridiculous, from people that figured since I hadn’t squeezed him out of my crotch, I must not know anything. Ignore the man behind the curtain and just do what feels right.

    As for the work…how about “hiring” a college kid on break to do the typing, you give them 1/2 of the bucks. Think of it as being an entrepreneur and delegating responsibility 🙂

  5. I wonder if mothers give new mothers unwanted advice as a way to get revenge on all the mothers who gave them advice when they didn’t want it. Kind of like “I had to put up with it so now I can dish it out.” Repeating history because they didn’t learn from it…sort of…but hey, you know it’s kind of like your initiation into motherhood. Every new mom puts up with unsolicited assvice from people they barely know. It gives your blogger buddies some entertaining reading and a good chuckle.

  6. I know what you mean about Christmas and family tension. One of my fear about adopting is that my family won’t accept a baby without their genes am I totally irrational? And thanks for the heads up about all of the unsolicited advice; I guess I have something else to look forward to. 🙂

  7. Hahaha…. I love this post because I love that you finally get to bitch about all that stupid ass-vice that friends/family/strangers give you!!

    It. Never. Ends!!!

    Have a very special Christmas – although I suspect you got the best gift of all already.

  8. Ahhh yes the unsolicited advice game. It’s a dance others tend to WANT us to dance with them. I’m pretty private about my children and such. I don’t tell anyone about the pregnancy or the birth unless I’m asked. If someone wants to know something, they’ll ask, if not, shut the hell up!

    I’m glad everything is going so smoothly, despite the morons.
    *HUGS*

  9. There are always people who will offer unsolicited advice whether you squeezed the baby out of your crotch or not. I figure it doesn’t do me any good to get upset about it or take offense. I just let it go in one ear and out the other.

  10. Glad you got to celebrate your son’s arrival in your own way!

    One of my best friends adopted a mixed race baby some years ago. That summer, both of our families went to a big reunion in the small town where we had grown up together. I can remember the comments she got from people who exclaimed how they hadn’t known she was pregnant, & a few who remarked how dark the baby was. Some she just smiled & said nothing, a few she explained about the adoption. I can see how listening to all the questions & arsevice would very quickly become annoying…!

  11. Congrats on your adoption! I am newly pregnant (after IF treatment) and am finding that people are annoying the shit out of me too. Between the treatment for IF and being a social worker who specializes in child therapy, I like to think I know a thing or two. I can’t understand why others think they know more about conception/pregnancy/parenting than I do! Needless to say, none of them can shut up! I do my best to give out blank stares and yawns. 🙂

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