Archive | January 2010

Walking around

I was out on my daily walk with Juno and Special K and was feeling particularly lonesome for some reason.  My galpal was off to meet her personal trainer (what’s that?) and so I was left to the ducks and the swans.  I ran into a little boy that I saw the other day who coincidentally had the same name as my son.  We chatted with his grandmother/mother/sitter/friend and her dog while Juno acted her usual skittish self.  She doesn’t take kindly to strangers.  Then on we went and on the way home I ran into another young mother and her 5 month old in one of those …what’s that fancy word… ubiquitous jogging strollers you see everywhere in this town.  I tell you, tiny babies are like crack to women.  They just gotta have a little taste.  She was probably as desperate for adult talk as I was and so we chatted a bit about the stroller, how old our children were, etc.

Then off the road to home I went and I saw a filming crew setting up on the street.  I felt a deep pang.  I so wanted to be part of it – in a cozy coat, walking down the street with a script going to block the shot.  Sigh.  I ran into an actor I knew who was indeed on his way to do just that.  A tall, handsome black fellow that I know.  I introduced my son and we chatted.  When actors ask you what you’ve been doing, they rarely mean in your life, they mean work wise.  I pointed to the kid as my new creative project.  He said he wanted kids, but he’s a guy, and frankly, he has all the time in the world.  Dusty eggs won’t wait for Mr. Right.

To be brutally honest, I felt a little like crap.  Not cause I wasn’t happy with my new life, but because I so missed my old one.  The one where it was all my accomplishments, the pride I took in my work, the excitement of a new gig.   Having been on the childless side, I knew exactly what it was like to talk to a mother and want to know what she had been doing BESIDES raising the kid.  And most of the time, I got a vacant stare.   I chimed in that I had been directing a few theatre projects since he’d last seen him, etc, but as he went his way and I went home, I felt a bit of sadness.

I guess the universe heard me and sent me some people to talk to; a nine year old kid (what was he doing out of school?), a young mum, and a hot actor.  There’s a post in there somewhere, but I’m off to walk the kids and then go visit a Buddhist friend.  Hopefully, she’ll have something sage and wise to tell me.

Need more wine

Good grief  – some days it takes me days to finish a post or read through and comment on blogs.  I think I did okay on ICLW, but by no means did I make Iron Commenter.  OMG, tough work!

I have two kids now, I realize and look at more poop that I care to admit.  Juno is fine – she’s eating and pooping like normal.  No hat came out, but I did find a LA dodgers hat on my walk.  Not a popular item in this town.

Hubby is going out of town on business in 2 weeks, so I’m trying to make appts before he goes away.  Got a mammogram next week, one day of work and Special K’s’ vaccinations all scheduled.  We’re also trying to visit people, or have people visit me and still have to get a new laptop for me and a rocking chair.

When hubby goes away, I’m going to get a dog walker or something, I just can’t walk the dog 2 hrs a day, deal with Special K, mum, etc on my own.  Screw it.  And now that we’re living on a cash budget, I’m not supposed to hire dog or housekeeping help, but you know what?  I am going to.  The child is not sleeping through the night yet and I am not superwoman. So there!

Furry baby

Yesterday started off promising – the sun was shining – and I thought oh, great, we’ll go for a nice walk in the trails today.  Right after I finished feeding the Precious, JuJu got all frantic, I had to ditch the kid to take her outside.  You guessed it, diarrhea!  Swell.  And then she pukes bile.   And of course, lots of people passing by.  I hate that but I just had to kick some dirt over it.  Can’t really pick it up, can I?  So back inside as quick as I can, the  baby is talking to himself in his bassinet.  I get ready for the day and put the kid in the Baby Bjorn and out we go.  Poor Juju went again and well, this time, there was a bit of blood.  Blood.  I tried not to freak out.  Called the hubby, called the vet who said blood in diarrhea wasn’t unusual and as long as the dog was acting normally, it could wait til the next day.  Hmmm.  I kept walking, trying to be calm.

10 minutes later, the dog goes again and this time blood is dripping from her behind.  RED BLOOD.  She’s not in any pain at all.  Be calm, I thought, she probably ate a stick or perhaps a bit of her bone scratched her insides or whatever. Don’t panic, she appears fine. Her usual sketchy self.    5 minutes later, she throws up clear spit.  I call the vet and this time I get an appointment for later that day.  If I could have teleported myself there, I would have.  She’ s still acting fine and normal so I keep going, but I’m freaked out and pretending not to be freaked out.  By the time we’re done, I realize that the baby’s hat is now missing.  ARGGH!  You know it had to be the really cute wool one with ears that was a gift and was probably one of those trendy booths from Granville Island.

So I go immediately BACK AROUND the loop again, chanting and swivelling my head around looking for the hat.  I did not find it.  So I got upset – I did not veer off the trail at all – who takes a baby hat?!  There were lots of people out, joggers everywhere because it was such a nice day.  If I had found a random baby item, I would simply pick it up and put it on a bench, hoping the owner would come back and get it, but I’m not sure I would have gone to the trouble to turn it into the parks board.

I obsessed about THAT cause I was really worried about the dog.  My last dog died of internal bleeding and you know I had THAT nightmare running in my head.  I checked her gums, all fine, I knew that as long as she was acting normally, she was just fine, but still….

Hubby came home early and with a list of symptoms and questions to ask, he took her to the vet.  He came home with some anti diarrhea pills.  She ate, she drank, she slept.  Hubby, having been told that there would be no homemade dinner that night, picked up my mum and Swiss Chalet and all was fine in my world.  Mum even sang that night.  I have no idea of what is going to happen when the Precious gets a fever.  Well, yes, I do – I’m going to be calm, cool and collected while I drive to the emergency department and god help hubby if he tries to tell me it’s NOTHING.

A nice break

Well,  the clear skies are over for now, the temperature has dropped and the rain has started again – good news for the Olympics, crap news for me.  I enjoyed not being rained on all week.  Had a nice weekend, though.  My MIL came over for the weekend for her birthday – no, unfortunately, no wee hour respite for me, but it was her birthday after all, I forgive her.  The guest bedroom is now the nursery, so the poor woman had to sleep on an uncomfortable airbed in the office.  She enjoyed a pedicure at a local spa and I indulged in a hot stone massage.  Yay!  OMG, it was lovely!  Thanks to my lovely son who gifted me with a gift certificate for Christmas (thanks dad), I enjoyed hot basalt stones massaging my achy shoulders.  I fantasized about going home and slipping into a coma for a week.  I had other plans though.   I left MIL with hubby and son while BFF and I went to a hockey game.  Okay, so we gabbed through it and had a couple of drinks, but the Canucks won, so we were happy!

I’m so glad to see the smile on my MIL’s face when she’s with my son – he just cooed and babbled away with her.  It was really nice – you know, it’s one thing when you realize your dream of having your own kid is over and while you’re boohooing that you can’t pass on your bad eyesight and sinus issues,  you might forget that other people’s lives were affected as well.  Well, thanks to the miracle of adoption and a selfless young woman, life is pretty sweet.  All bitching aside about the social workers,  bills and the stress, its times when I see my mum and my MIL smile and my hubby get all thrilled that he was smiled at by an infant, then it makes it all worth while.

And if I can have a couple of drinks at a great hockey game with my gal pal knowing my child is well loved and cared for… hell, that’s joy.

The Rainy Season

It occurs to me as I take care of  Precious and Miss JuJu during the day that I’m getting a little annoyed at the presumption that nothing else has to change around here i.e. the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking, the grocery shopping, errand running, the dog walking, just cause I have a baby.  Heaven forbid.  It’s all just a matter of time management.  If I don’t blog, read, eat, or sit down, chant, sleep, comb my hair, take a crap, make a phone call, I too can get everything done.  Just strap the baby in the carrier and away I go.  Those 3am feedings?  EASY.  According to DH.  Grrrr. Oh, don’t worry, he’s cleaning floors and doing laundry and washing dishes too.  (He’s so much better at it than I am.)

We had my mother over on her usual night and hubby had come home from work late and had to take the dog for her usual 5k walk.  I had picked mum up (with baby in car seat), which by the way is never as easy as one would think, as she lives on a locked floor and once you get up there, you have to locate her, get her shoes on, coat on, sign her out, and THEN find someone to let you OFF the floor, got her home, made  chicken casserole (FROM SCRATCH), fed her, and was feeding the baby by the time he came home.  Lucky for me, she could hold the hungry baby (albeit briefly) while I cooked the chicken.  Was that the same night I took her home and then went to the grocery store and then brought Dairy Queen home cause DH put a coupon in my purse?  Oh, no, sorry, that was another night.  One of the other nights where I put in another load of laundry in before I collapse into bed just to get up 45 minutes later cause the Precious is awake again. (FYI – High efficiency washers are great for your hydro bill but one  load takes about 90 min. so you could end up doing laundry ALL DAY.) By Friday, I’m a little worn. DH comes to the rescue and does the after midnight feedings.  You know, the aforementioned EASY ones.

For just a little while, I just wanted to take care of the Precious and do nothing else.  Hahahaha.  That must have been my mommy tiara talking.  Please excuse me.  I bow to my mother and all the mothers who never heard of diaper wipe warmers.

I made the decision to not work p/t  this month  because I recognized how tired and stressed I was getting and now 2 months later, I’m irritated.  Irritated that I will have to go back to work next month. Irritated that neither DH or I have parental leave.  I’ve rattled my acting agent’s cage, but the Olympics are days away here so NOTHING is going to happen next month.   Cause the adoption bills keep rolling in.

I think we both want this to be over and DH would like to close ranks (he was never a fan of open adoption).  I’m not sure how to navigate this period in our lives when we are not quite done with the adoption process.  I feel like I’m in charge of everyone’s emotional well-being and it’s a bit overwhelming.  How on earth do women with aging parents and f/t jobs and other responsibilities handle all of this? Yikes!