The Rainy Season

It occurs to me as I take care of  Precious and Miss JuJu during the day that I’m getting a little annoyed at the presumption that nothing else has to change around here i.e. the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking, the grocery shopping, errand running, the dog walking, just cause I have a baby.  Heaven forbid.  It’s all just a matter of time management.  If I don’t blog, read, eat, or sit down, chant, sleep, comb my hair, take a crap, make a phone call, I too can get everything done.  Just strap the baby in the carrier and away I go.  Those 3am feedings?  EASY.  According to DH.  Grrrr. Oh, don’t worry, he’s cleaning floors and doing laundry and washing dishes too.  (He’s so much better at it than I am.)

We had my mother over on her usual night and hubby had come home from work late and had to take the dog for her usual 5k walk.  I had picked mum up (with baby in car seat), which by the way is never as easy as one would think, as she lives on a locked floor and once you get up there, you have to locate her, get her shoes on, coat on, sign her out, and THEN find someone to let you OFF the floor, got her home, made  chicken casserole (FROM SCRATCH), fed her, and was feeding the baby by the time he came home.  Lucky for me, she could hold the hungry baby (albeit briefly) while I cooked the chicken.  Was that the same night I took her home and then went to the grocery store and then brought Dairy Queen home cause DH put a coupon in my purse?  Oh, no, sorry, that was another night.  One of the other nights where I put in another load of laundry in before I collapse into bed just to get up 45 minutes later cause the Precious is awake again. (FYI – High efficiency washers are great for your hydro bill but one  load takes about 90 min. so you could end up doing laundry ALL DAY.) By Friday, I’m a little worn. DH comes to the rescue and does the after midnight feedings.  You know, the aforementioned EASY ones.

For just a little while, I just wanted to take care of the Precious and do nothing else.  Hahahaha.  That must have been my mommy tiara talking.  Please excuse me.  I bow to my mother and all the mothers who never heard of diaper wipe warmers.

I made the decision to not work p/t  this month  because I recognized how tired and stressed I was getting and now 2 months later, I’m irritated.  Irritated that I will have to go back to work next month. Irritated that neither DH or I have parental leave.  I’ve rattled my acting agent’s cage, but the Olympics are days away here so NOTHING is going to happen next month.   Cause the adoption bills keep rolling in.

I think we both want this to be over and DH would like to close ranks (he was never a fan of open adoption).  I’m not sure how to navigate this period in our lives when we are not quite done with the adoption process.  I feel like I’m in charge of everyone’s emotional well-being and it’s a bit overwhelming.  How on earth do women with aging parents and f/t jobs and other responsibilities handle all of this? Yikes!

17 thoughts on “The Rainy Season

  1. PLEASE call a friend to come over and stay with the little angel for a few hours and don’t feel guilty about it. That’s an order. It won’t cost a dime, and the friend will get a chance to snuggle your sweetie (we old chicks need baby fixes every once in awhile).

    I wish, oh how I wish I had done that. There were days where I was so closed in and overwhelmed. You need to take a break for your mental health and it really will help you look at that laundry pile, sink of dirty dishes etc, with a new “who gives a shit” attitude.

    You know what? Everyone else’s emotional well being will be just fine. You worry about YOU.

    • I actually did the other day. It was pouring out and hubby was working late, so I was on afternoon doggy duty. I called my girlfriend to watch my angel while I went out in the stinking rain for an hour with the dog. It was such a relief to not have to drag him out in the stroller.

  2. Wine…. lots of wine.

    Seriously though, sometimes you just need to take a deep breath, ignore the household chores and order out dinner. Last time I checked, Mrs Cleaver didn’t work a F/T job so it’s no wonder she was such a holly homemaker. I however have chosen a different path and while at times it’s overwhelming & chaotic, the quiet times when you get to cuddle with your child make it all worthwhile.

    You’ll find your groove, it just may take a bit of trial and error to get there.

  3. Loribeth is 100% right. When I am out I will do some chores for you and cook and let you just take the little one to bed and cuddle and nap and bask in each other’s glow. I truly will – a friend did this for me early on and that is how the world should work. You deserve that time and I’m sorry you’re not getting it. And I can so totally relate to the grrrr feelings towards the menfolk – like your DH, Manny helps a lot but I still feel run ragged by Friday and definitely feel a bit too responsible for other folks’ emotions.

    I’m saying some lovingkindness for you right now. And sending hugs.

  4. um, yeah. it’s just like that.

    it is hard, I know.

    nothing says you have to do it all. even if hubby thinks that’s how it is/how it’s supposed to be, you can ever so gently remind him how everything in your life has changed now that you’ve become parents. besides, you still have a while before you need to worry about clean floors.

    I’m only half joking. it sucks to feel like you can’t get anything done, like feeding or cleaning yourself. I wish you had some help, and much more time off. xo

  5. Thanks for commenting on my blog! I did write a post about “the list” but the short answer is yes, the expectant mother chooses the family, the list is there to give the families waiting the longest the first chance to be profiled to the e-mom if they look like a good match. Love your blog – especially your post about B-R-U. We just registered there and starting to figure out the nursery look but it’s stressing me out and has become a major distraction.

  6. Definitely, if you can, take advantage of someone helping you do chores so you can enjoy your little one.

    I think we all fall victim to the thought that we should do EVERYTHING! and do it perfectly. Hang in there.


  7. I was given 2 pieces of advice when I was pregnant that have helped me alot:

    1) If there’s housework to do, you haven’t washed your hair or cleared the breakfast table, but your baby is particularly sweet and you have her/him all to yourself, go with it. F— the housework and with a huge smile tell your husband “I’m so happy and thankful;” and
    2) If your husband makes an effort to bathe, change or dress the baby, even if he’s made a mess, put the diaper on backwards, or dressed her in the strangest outfit, NEVER criticize him or redo it. The baby doesn’t know the difference, hubby feels proud for trying and you can just roll your eyes behind his back. If you do criticize him, he will use that excuse of incompetence forever.

    I hope that helps a little.

    Lisa (yourgreatlife – ICLW #44)

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