Selfish me

I meant to get to this earlier but congratulations to the province of Quebec for moving forward to fund infertility treatments. I went to the CBC news site and I read a few of the comments.  Not all of them of course, because it degenerates in the usual flaming between the same people.  I’d like to address one argument though – that it’s the unselfish thing to do to adopt, particularly for infertile people.  Why doesn’t EVERYONE look at adoption to build their family?    That’s a rhetorical question. Now I know more than a few people, online and IRL who once they found out they couldn’t conceive for whatever reason, went straight to adoption.  Didn’t even skip a beat or try all sorts of medical juju. Cool.  Wish I were one of them, would have saved myself a LOT of heartache.  Oh, how I miss having swollen ovaries.

I took the Precious to the immigration doctor yesterday who happens to be in the same clinic as his regular doctor.  You have to pay $160 for this exam, ostensibly because of the extra paperwork.  He listened to his heart, that’s it. He doesn’t really need to do anymore because his entire medical records are in the computer system and his GP is at the next station, so if she says he’s healthy, he’s healthy.  Swell.  Anyways, I’m telling you this because we chatted a bit and he remarked, “So you tried to have your own and you couldn’t?” Yep.  I look young but my eggs are done.  “Well, good for you.  You’re a lucky little guy!”  Meaning you did the right thing and adopted.  I’m a F**** saint, sure.  That might apply if I was walking along the streets of a tiny, drought ridden African nation and I tripped over a baby in a pile of dung and rescued the poor little thing from being stomped on by an ox being driven by bloodthirsty war- mongering rebels.  THEN I’d be a saint.  Actually, I was just desperate to be a mother. Philanthropy had NOTHING to do with it.

If you’ve been reading my blog long enough, you know that I did not set out to adopt my first child.  Frankly, once the IVF money train started, and IF I had conceived and delivered, I highly doubt I would have adopted an infant.  We MIGHT have chosen to adopt an older child  since we had talked about it in the abstract.  Those are the what might have beens though.  I consider myself lucky to be where I am now, right at this moment.  Who knows what the future holds?  Grateful to still have my marriage, an incredible kid, a well behaved dog and a view to die for.

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6 thoughts on “Selfish me

  1. Hey you.

    I finally have a napping child — I’m trying not to hold K’s wonderful napping ability against you cause really this girl does not like to go to sleep and thus I am so far behind on commenting.

    It is interesting where this is one arena where everyone feels they can voice their opinion. These journeys we take are so personal — you could just let everyone treat you like a saint though — that’s not all bad 😉

    Love,

    P

  2. Yeah, it drives me nuts when people act like we’re going to be saving a kid or tell us how awesome we are to adopt. Uh-huh. Adoption didn’t even enter our minds until we were headed to IVF-land. We saw it as the most guaranteed way to become parents. I actually feel quite selfish about the whole thing!

  3. Have you ever watched Forrest Gump? My favorite line is “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get”.
    That Forrest’s mom was one smart cookie.

    In the long drawn out battle to become a mother, I lost 4 babies. I was in varying degrees of pregnancy, and they all devastated me.

    Now, many moons later, I have 3 sons that are my world. I would not have had them, had my first couple of pregnancies worked out. We fell into an amazingly, ridiculously fast and “easy” adoption scenario with our first son. I wouldn’t be his mom, if those first two pregnancies had come to term. That fact, makes me absolutely sick to my stomach, because, if you knew me, and you knew my son, you would know that he wouldn’t belong with any other adoptive mom (family). I will spare you details, just trust me on that.

    So, what it boils down to, is I didn’t know if I was getting nuts or cream centers, but I got was I was supposed to have.

    OH…and this line “if I was walking along the streets of a tiny, drought ridden African nation and I tripped over a baby in a pile of dung and rescued the poor little thing from being stomped on by an ox being driven by bloodthirsty war- mongering rebels”—–CLASSIC 🙂

  4. I wrote a little bit about the saviour thing on my blog and got my first ..mmm… contrary comment. BTW – I am someone who skipped IVF and went straight to adoption but I in no way believe that is the route for everyone. To be honest, IVF kind of scared me. I just really didn’t want to go through it. It wasn’t because I think adoption is better. Everyone has to go through their process/journey and that is just the way it is.

  5. Really, when it comes down to it, aren’t we all selfish? Selfish for wanting kids. Selfing for not wanting kids. Selfish for sparing no expense or toll on our bodies to try to conceive. Selfish for adopting a newborn. Selfish for adopting an older child. Selfish for wanting what we want out of this life and then carving a path to get it. SO WHAT!!??

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