Infertility Redux

I just wanted to point this article out.  It’s about the lifelong effects of infertility.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1266234/Infertilitys-double-whammy-One-writer-reflects-baby-envy-mark-two.html

I know that the pain of infertility can affect you long after you “get over it”.  As I’ve read in many blogs, you see other people’s children grow up and wonder about yours might be up to if they had lived or even existed.  Sometimes friendships can wither away or end as life takes you down different roads. But what happens when these women, your friends, become grandmothers and you are reminded once again of the loss?  I know that my MIL often felt left out and began to dread accompanying her friends when they bought baby clothes and showed off  pictures.  I wondered more than once who would visit me when I become old and senile.

Last night I heard from a former neighbour who became pregnant right after my first IVF failure. We all used to go camping together and I attended her baby shower (albeit briefly and with much silent suffering on my part).  Now she has 2 kids and when she heard through the grapevine about the arrival of our son, she called to congratulate us.  For a variety of reason, we fell out of touch, but now that I have a son, it seems like she is making an attempt to reconnect.  We really didn’t have anything in common before except our husbands used to hang out.  Hubby questioned why she had invited us over, but I reminded him that when we didn’t have a child, we had little interest in spending time with people who did have children.    People who have kids tend to spend time with other people with kids.  When we were childless we hung out with people who didn’t have kids.  It’s way more fun and you don’t have to watch your language.  Ever try to have an uninterrupted conversation with a parent of young children?  Their attention is always divided.  It’s annoying, you’re sitting there telling them some deep dark confession and they suddenly cut you off as junior has wandered out of sight or starts screaming or babbling strange noises.  Now I’m one of them.  It seems that every time I try to speak to someone on the phone, the Precious wakes up at that very moment crying out for my attention. Heck, it annoys me but that’s the way it is.  Anyway, hubby will be out of town for business but I guess we can wander over to their neck of the woods and see what’s up.

4 thoughts on “Infertility Redux

  1. “I reminded him that when we didn’t have a child, we had little interest in spending time with people who did have children.” This is a great insight; one which I wish more IF’s would take on board.

    Before I had children, I craved the proximity to my best friend’s children because I wanted to matter to some child. However, I wanted nothing to do with other people’s children and I did give many excuses about invitations to bbqs and pool parties. After my daughter was born, it took another 3 years to carry a healthy pregnancy. I had a very difficult time dealing with my friends who had had their second already and were back in the baby buggy and new moms coffees. It felt really lonely.

    I think that when you are in the thick of it, it’s difficult to see your own responsibility for the way a situation unfolds. If you hold a grudge against someone else, for something you may have created equally, it’s good to be open and move forward. Good for you.

    Lisa (ICLW 65 – your great life)

  2. You said it better than I could have.

    Babies must have innate sense of when people call, Momo always starts up whenever I try to have an “adult conversation” on the phone 😉

    Thanks for visiting 🙂 *iclw

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