Fathers

I didn’t post anything on Father’s Day because I wasn’t at home, I was on set.  As I mentioned, I did manage to get a few cards together but DH’s aunt helped to get a proper gift ready the next day.  And so here it is:

Big feet

I tried getting handprints, but he wasn’t having any of it, but he does like to stand, so the right foot it was!

Oddly enough, last week I got a call from my uncle (on my dad’s side) who wanted to know his number since he hadn’t heard from him lately.  I had not, nor had my sister and I honestly didn’t have a clue as to where he was.  I tried calling my uncle back to let him know that I couldn’t track down his number but then I realized I didn’t even know what country my uncle had even called from.  Weird, eh?

I found out later from my sister that she through the grapevine that my dad had returned to the States and had bought a house in an upscale neighbourhood.  I had just finished telling her that I had received a call about my mum who had fallen down at the home.  They call you every time something like that happens.  Mother is okay.  \Sis was really, really upset.  She lamented that it wasn’t fair that someone like our dad was still doing okay and my mum had such a shitty turn in the golden years of her life.  I tried to tell her that yes, indeed, life was unfair, but what my dad did or what he had, had no bearing on mum’s life at all.  I have already spent a great deal of time trying to figure out WHY and HOW TO UNDO THE PAST.  It can’t be done.  Unlike Superman, I can’t spin the world backwards on its axis (and how I tried) , so I’m just stuck with what is now.  Karma is what it is.  It is neither good nor bad.  I know she understands but she has never really gotten over the disappointing job that our dad did at fathering.  He was a bit of prick and despite my mother being the mother of his 3 girls, he does have other children and he’s on his 3rd wife.  He’s old, sick and just trying to get by.  He has been of absolutely NO assistance at all as far as my mother is concerned. I used to be really angry and upset with him, but honestly, he has enough of my subconscious mind.  I’ve got other more important things to be repressed about.

In truth, my sister has had far more contact with him over the years than I have (lucky me) and it helps not occupying the same country as him.  I have chosen a  more philosophical approach.    He’s a sad, misunderstood, selfish man who has children who barely tolerate the thought of him.  How sad is that? I don’t miss him on Father’s Day.  When I was a little girl I loved him like he was a god, but as an adult, he just doesn’t factor into my life.

That’s why it’s so important to me to see DH be there for the Precious.  He’s passionate about what it means to be a father, because his own biological father was no prize either.  When he died, he didn’t even shed a tear.  I know DH won’t abandon this child even when he’s grown.  In a way, I think we need our parents more when we are old enough to truly appreciate them.  I don’t know if the Precious’ biological father realizes that one day he will have a lot to measure up to.

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6 thoughts on “Fathers

  1. Love the pic SO much!!

    My DH has a barely there dad. He’s nice enough but even though he lives a mere 15 minutes from our home, we see him maybe 2x per year. It’s most definitely not the kind of father/child relationship I grew up with so I see why he is so adamant about being an involved dad…. just like your DH.

  2. What a great idea for a first Father’s Day gift!

    I’m sorry your own father has not been there for you — but I’m sure things will be different with Precious & your dh.

  3. Not having a “good” father myself, it was very important to me that I marry a man that I thought would be a good father. (because we all know how easy it is to become parents;)

    Like you, I decided long ago that my father didn’t need to be a part of my life. When he died I was sad, but not because he was gone. I was sad because he never really knew me, and how well I turned out in spite of him.

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