This is why people get divorced

This is going to be rant about some stupid domestic fight that I can’t believe.  DH felt to remind me for the 2nd dramatic time this summer to wipe the counters down.  Apparently he found two little bugs on the counter.  now for the back story.

Last summer, we had an infestation problem.  I was blamed for it because I apparently NEVER WIPE THE COUNTERS DOWN.  We had to take everything out of the cupboards, clean and throw out stuff.  Actually, the source was a bag of whole wheat flour I hadn’t used in ages.  But these little buggers were in spice baskets, cracker boxes etc, and at one point, DH threw out 99% of whatever was in the cupboard.  We fought over this.  I kept trying to tell him that yelling at me for causing all this was not, in fact, going to make it true.  I’m not the best housekeeper in the world, but I had cleaned out all the cupboards, but I couldn’t eradicate the buggers without using insecticide around the food stuffs. And of course, they were behind the cupboards as well where we couldn’t see them.   I could not find any bio friendly insecticide.  We searched the internet for what they were – and narrowed it down to some sort of wheat weevil.  All we could do  was remove all infestated products, deprive them of a food source and wait for their cycle to end.  DH found my efforts were lacking so he went through the cupboards himself.  His digust was almost palpable.  He threw out things that weren’t even infested.  He could have taken apart a very expensive salt/pepper shaker and put it in the dishwasher, but no, he threw it out instead. He made A BIG DEAL out of this and ran behind me practically every time I went into the kitchen to PROVE to me that I didn’t wipe down the counter EVERY TIME I USED IT.  If I said I did, he would accuse me of being defensive.  And yes, I was defensive because he was BLAMING ME for the bugs very existence.  If I made coffee, and there was a coffee ground next the coffemaker, well, MY FAULT.  I wasn’t being diligent.  They can be in a product you bring in from the store (ie. flour, sugar, crackers, spice) and has nothing to do with the sanitary nature of the kitchen. He just had to find FAULT for this intrusion. And if I didn’t call myself the worst housekeeper alive, well, I was just delusional.  Anyway, after a time they all died out.  His control over nature was restored again.

My friend made toast yesterday and since it’s that squirrely bread with multigrains, crumbs do get left about.  I actually did sponge the counter off.  Not completely from end to end removing every item, I did not clean out the toaster, but I sponged the immediate area.  This morning he comes in and in that fake patient tone, REMINDS me AGAIN to wipe the counters down.  I told him he didn’t have to remind me again, and certainly not 10 times more like he proceeded to do.  And he curses at me from the kitchen because I’m being DEFENSIVE.  He takes the kid and slams the bedroom door.

And now he’s on a cleaning binge. He’s in the pantry, cleaning, scrubbing, washing the floors and I bet you after everything is done, he’s going to expect it to stay that way.  I have had it.  I’m going out and buying RAID, BLEACH AND THROWING OUT THE FUCKING TOASTER.  I’M TAKING EVERYTHING OFF THE FUCKING COUNTERS AND HELL, MAYBE I’LL EMPTY THE CUPBOARDS.


6 thoughts on “This is why people get divorced

  1. I think we are married to the same man.

    Last summer we had that infestation. I looked in all the places I could think to look to see where they were living and finally opened a bag (previously UNopened)of flour to find a zillion larvae and a poof of bugs pop out. I have no idea how they had been getting out of a closed bag. (I then invested in some clear containers with tight lids and put the grainy stuff in there). OH…and tell him that shit DOES come IN the bags from the factory then eats and grows. It ISN’T a cleaning issue!!!!!

    Cleaning is the one thing that we have fought about for almost 30 years. The only thing that worked was turning the tables on him. I would nonchalantly follow HIM into the kitchen then when he was leaving ask him “are you done?…because if you are I will clean up the________”… drips, crumbs, (insert your own messy item), or put away the milk, or wipe the spot on the floor where something splashed…etc etc”. He honestly thought he was perfect and I was delighted every single damn time I could prove he wasn’t. Yes, I AM older than 12 but since he saw fit to treat me as though I were 12, I was damn sure going to show him he was the same.

    I love the days when I am the only one here. I can wipe things up in the morning and when I go to bed things are the same.

    (I am going to share a trick with you. You are not allowed to tell anyone except the 40 million people that read blogs. About 30 minutes before my neat freak husband comes home I organize any clutter laying around, make sweeper tracks in the carpet near the door, then spray the door with my grapefruit (natural) cleaner. When he opens the door, it smells like I have been cleaning all day…..when it took me less than 4 minutes. No. He still hasn’t caught on. 🙂
    (damn, here I go again with a novel)

    • I knew you would totally get this!!!! Why do you think I prefer to hire someone to clean. I am so sick of his OCD ways. He can bitch and moan about cleaning the counters but he refuses to do anything about his nail biting habit that makes me sick.

  2. I think we’re married to the same guy too. I don’t think I am a bad housekeeper, but I do have some clutter issues. Dh is a neat freak, & any bugs we find in the house of any kind are MY FAULT because I have too many magazines piled up in the corner, etc. He’s also paranoid about crumbs & empties the toaster every single time he uses it. He has no idea where things are in the kitchen, of course… but he can spot a crumb at 20 paces. ARGH….

  3. I have to say that I’m probably closer to the OCD end of the spectrum than not, but I don’t think I’m THAT bad, as far as policing others goes, any way. (Well, I HOPE I’m not.)

  4. I am reading this at 8am, at work, and starting to remember all the old stuff we have in our pantry and the toaster that we NEVER clean out. I am going to be thinking about this all day.

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