The here and now

Last night we celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary.  DH brought me a HUGE bouquet spotted with 9 roses, red and yellow and two exotic lilies representing the kid and Juno.  It was really nice.  We put the Precious to bed, the babysitter arrived and we went out to dinner.  I dressed up a bit.  Sequinned black top, black skirt, sweater jacket, tall boots and jaunty hat and a new hairdo!  I also provided DH with some two shirts and a casual jacket so he had something new to wear.

We went to a small restaurant that had small and medium sized plates so we ordered a bunch of dishes to share.  It’s so rare we have undivided attention for each other.  We exchanged cards with lovely things written to each other.  I found a card that said “You’re a Wonderful Husband and Father”.  That was kind of cool.  I still get a kick out of things like that.  I told him how proud I was of him for working so hard for his family.  We talked about the kid a bit, mum, blogging life, and we even talked about adoption. I shared some things I had learned about others’ experiences with open adoption.   He acknowledged that our process with adoption had been really hard on us though this first year with the Precious had healed us.  The work and the business of raising the wee beast  pulls us into the here and now, it doesn’t allow us to dwell in the past very long.  No matter how crappy the day has been, he still has to have his needs met.  I can be bought with a smile apparently.  He cares not a whit that I like to sit and contemplate my navel quietly.

We took our time and we were the last ones to leave.  We went home and looked in on the wee one and took the dog out for her last pee and cuddled up in bed.

Even with all the crises with my mum, I actually caught myself feeling content and happy with life.  It’s completely unrealistic that life remain static and I know we have challenges ahead.  We have to move soon, Christmas is coming, there are family  issues to deal with, but I put worry aside for a couple of hours and tried not to find fault in my self, in my partner, in my life.  I realize I don’t do this very often, hell, almost never. There’s always a voice in my head that finds fault with this or that.  Buddhists call it fundamental darkness.  I told it to shut the fuck up.  Nam myo ho renge kyo.    It felt really good to just be at peace with the here and now.

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8 thoughts on “The here and now

  1. “There’s always a voice in my head that finds fault with this or that. Buddhists call it fundamental darkness. I told it to shut the fuck up.”

    this is why I love you. or at least one good reason.

    glad to hear you celebrated well. happy anniversary!

  2. Happy Anniversary! I refer to that voice as “head trash” and the trash needs to be taken out every so often. Sometimes more often…I am glad you had such a nice celebration of your lives together.

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