I’m taking a sigh of relief here – my ultrasound revealed a cyst – nothing to worry about in other words. I will follow up with my doctor in a couple of weeks. Thank Buddha! I’ve been keeping busy all week, only giving in to groping my right breast a few times. I tell you, there’s nothing like watching someone wither away from breast cancer to give you perspective. I had been putting off my mammogram because of one thing or another, not the right time in my cycle, I was moving, etc. Please, if you have never gotten one, get to it right away. In my humble opinion, it’s a useful tool and it doesn’t really hurt. I don’t have the biggest knockers but at worst, it’s like a hard pinch, but it’s quite momentary. Getting a pap test is more uncomfortable. Mammograms catch about 85% of all breast cancers, so it’s not perfect, but it’s worth it.
As usual, DH acted like it was a no brainer, but I had tears of relief in my eyes. I know women who have survived breast cancer and I know of one good friend who died from it. I don’t think I’m that special to be exempt from it. Hubby had delayed leaving for a business trip so he could be there and manage the Precious. By the time the Precious had woken up from his afternoon nap, his dad was gone and he was wailing against the basement door looking for his dad. I had to take him downstairs and walk around to show him his dad was not around. I took him to the park and on the way, the tears fell. In gratitude. For my life, for the opportunity to just enjoy having a child in our lives. I just want to see him grow up. I told my husband earlier that I wish I had ten more years. Meaning, I wish I had been a mother 10 years ago. Of course, we tried. Lord knows, we tried. Oddly enough, I had been sorting through a box and had come across my Fertility Friend temp charts from 2004. I thought I had shredded the cursed things. Reminders of the past.
Moving on. My daimoku this morning was deep, sincere and directly from my heart. Start again. Begin again, I thought, ask for what you want. From everyone. From your husband, from your kid, from myself. I’m not willing to slide from one day into the next, adjusting my schedule to suit everyone else except myself. Life’s too short. Too precious, in a manner of speaking.