Knock, knock, who’s there?

So I guess more people are reading my blog than I realized.  Looks like my random email writer realized she offended me in some way and was kind enough to email me and apologize.  I guess she caught my tone.  If the initial email is not personalized, then it’s not likely that I will pay much attention to the writer’s intent and I know that person hasn’t actually read my blog or the street cred for background.   After all, IVF did NOT work for me, I ended up adopting after coming to the decision that biology was not that important to me.  I’m not bitter about attempting ART, but when you come home from the carnival with empty pockets and no prize,  I’m not going to be a huge cheerleader of it.  I did watch the video and when I got to the who sponsored it part, I realize some big pharmaceutical company has a vested interest in what first appears to be a grassroots educational initiative.   I did notice that fertility awareness is now being targeted to women over 30.  Seems like the magic number has dropped from 35 to 30 now.  When did that happen?  Of course, I’ve read plenty of blogs about women under 35 struggle with infertility so I guess there’s a lot of truth in that.  Lord knows I made a lot of assumptions that all was okay despite our withdrawal birth control method we used for years.  I remember having the kid conversation with DH when we were not married yet but had been together for years and I made it known that I wanted kids and if he didn’t, then we should part ways.  I made the assumption that once we did officially get married and officially started trying to conceive that it would happen one way or the other.  And it didn’t.  Naive, I know.   I had no idea I’d spend tens of thousands of dollars for nothing.  C’est la vie.

There are no guarantees in life whether it’s about having children or the health of our children.  Now, I can’t even imagine being without my little guy.  So if the road to him was paved with disappointment and heartache, so be it.  I cannot undo the past.

Speaking of emails, I actually did get one quite a while ago, not sure if I mentioned it already, but it was from someone who never left comments but she wanted to me to know that I had really given her some comfort.  She wanted me to thank me.   I was so touched by that email.  Sometimes people just want to let you know that yeah, they get it, they get you and they appreciate you sharing your experience. To turn poison into medicine, to create value where once there was despair.  That’s why I blog. I am a real person with real feelings living a very real life.  So if you want to come into my house, you gotta take off your shoes.

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6 thoughts on “Knock, knock, who’s there?

  1. I love the way you ended this post – and that fact that you’re in Vancouver 😉

    Everything you wrote rang true for me. I still can’t believe I started with ART at 31 and ended the way I did this past spring at 33. Never in a million years…

    I’m looking forward to the day when I’m at home cuddled up with my baby. Hoping he/she is placed with us soon.

  2. We never really know where life would take us. It is all so unexpected. Infertility is a bitch honestly. But in the end what we all want is to parent. How we reach the other side is the hard path. I know a lot of people think that I am just putting on an act after all I conceived naturally after only 17-18 months of officially trying. and I was 3o when I had Danny. Young by many standards but not by Indian standards by any mean.

    Okay. Why am I rambling again?

  3. I absolutely love this: “That’s why I blog. I am a real person with real feelings living a very real life. So if you want to come into my house, you gotta take off your shoes.” Such a great, great, great way to say it.

  4. I can really relate to your post, thanks for sharing. Love the analogy if you walk away with empty pockets and no prize. That is indeed what happened to us. Of course, now that I have my daughter by adoption I wouldn’t change my path at all. It was a rocky path but makes me appreciate so much more what I have now.
    I was 29 when we tried for a second and we were done with our multiple rounds of clomid, other various intervention, and two rounds of IVF by 34. I have guess people are having difficulty earlier in life, who knows ours is unexplained.

  5. Every time I want to stop blogging, someone tells me that a post or a paragraph or some small though made a difference to them. I realize all of these issues, opinion, views, whether they reflect the joy, the challenges, the good times or the naked truth all help people in some way.

  6. Posting agai in response to your comment on my blog. The post about my struggles and victory was actually a part of my experience that I shared in the last month’s Zadenkai!

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