How can I miss you when you never go away?

Well, my two day vacation is officially over.  Hubby and the Precious returned Friday afternoon.  He promptly went over and snuggled next to my friend and practically ignored me.  That’s nice, kid, I love you too.  They had a great time.  He also came home with a nasty cut on his eyelid and small bump on his prodigious noggin and a bruise.   They had gone to a park and the ground was uneven and of course the Precious took off at break neck speed and he tripped and fell. A trip to the ER was not deemed necessary but N.eosporin and a bandaid was prescribed.  When DH called me to fill in me I was a little verklempt as they say.  I was already feeling PMS-y and was in one of those weepy felt like crying for no particular reason.  (I had already cried watching The Rabbit Hole with Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhaart and then a dumbass movie Life As We Know It with Josh Duhamel and Kathryn Heigl.)  By the next day I told him that perhaps we should follow up with a doctor’s visit as he had a habit of minimizing things.  That of course released DH’s usual knee-jerk response that I was over reacting that I couldn’t take him to the doctor for every fall he had,the pharmacist said he was fine, he only cried for 20 seconds and he behaved just fine and ate heartily and played, etc,  that I could do what I want but I had a rude awakening ahead of me if I thought he wouldn’t have several more falls in his childhood.  And that prompted my knee-jerk response of me getting chilly and ending the conversation.  Since this is the age where everyone has got to get the last word in, I got a text, then I replied to the text that he has a fit if the Precious uses a metal fork and that maybe we should remember our promise to go easy on each other.  I was well aware that when the Precious is hurt, then he feels just as hurt and worried as I do.  Aren’t we a pair?  How can you tell we just have one kid, eh? Thwoop, thwoop, thwoop!  What’s that sound – oh, it’s our helicopter blades.  Good grief.  Now is as good as time as any to read this.

Anyhoooo, I DID COMPLETE MY GOAL.  Passport application is completed, my mum’s taxes are done and filed ( I actually had to take the bus downtown and was dreading it until I realized I could READ more – what a thrill!), and my mum’s committee accounting papers are 90% done.  I still have to go to  a notary and then also write the provincial body a fat cheque to review all this.  They’d be 100% done if I could have found some 1998 bank statements, but I need to retrieve them  where I THINK they are….  under a pile of storage boxes.  But the bulk is done and by the time they figure out I don’t have her latest tax assessment submitted, I will have received it in the mail.  So there.  I also got in lunch and dinner with a girlfriend.  Hah!  And oh, the mornings of sleeping in, coffee in bed, and peace and quiet.  AHHHHHHH!  Simply heaven.  It’s amazing how my stress level just dropped. No mewling and screaming, no raised voices, no dishes, no wiping of sticky hands, faces and trays.  No one asking me what’s for dinner, what is he going to eat or not eat today.  No tripping over toys, banging my hips into corners while trying to wrangle a tiny person into clothes.  I took leisurely showers and got dressed without an eye on the clock.  If I had a late leisurely lunch, then I didn’t even bother with dinner.  I stayed up late and wait for it – finished a book (!)  The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, that I started in April.  I even had the energy to go for  a long walk with Juno and my friend in the endowment lands.  My back ached but it felt awesome to not feel rushed.  Of course, I tried to clean up a little before they walked in the door, but that didn’t really get finished.  Oh, well.  If I had lounged less on my first day off, I would have gotten even more done, but never mind.

I noticed one thing, I ate less because I wasn’t in a stressed reactive state.  I ate when I felt like it and when I needed to concentrate on the paperwork I could because I wasn’t tired, stressed or pressed by others’ timelines. I could just spread out and get things done in my own way.  I can’t even tell how good that feels.  My body returned to that late night, late morning functioning mode.

I fed my little munchkin his night bottle and felt his body nestle into mine, I kissed his forehead and stroked his hair.  I had to get up again in the middle of the night, he wouldn’t settle for some reason, but I didn’t mind.  In a way, it was just my bonus quiet time with him.  Just like when he was a baby.



4 thoughts on “How can I miss you when you never go away?

  1. amazing how restorative a little quiet time can be.
    glad you got to enjoy some!

    it is a good lesson to remember to go easy on each other. I remind myself of that a lot.

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