Gift horse

On Tuesday,  we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary with a two day trip to La Jolla, CA.  Before the Precious, we were going to return to Bali, but of course, a 20+ hr plane ride is out of the question, not to mention, out of the budget.    I thought DH had something special in the works, but apparently, he didn’t, so I got involved.  There was a seat sale for LA, so we fly there, picked up a rental car at the airport and drove to a very lovely resort in La Jolla.  It had a spa and I was really looking forward to that.  We had a couples massage and then went for a light dinner.

The next day, DH treated me to a little shopping spree and then we went for a romantic dinner on an outdoor patio.  Cue sunset.  He gave me a really beautiful Hallmark card and I wept, I was so touched.  I had a little surprise of my own, but I waited til we got back to the hotel room.  I presented my dearest with a new wedding ring to replace the one he lost earlier this year.  Now, I have to tell you, I thought of the idea pretty late in the game, and then I found how just how expensive it was going to be and not every jewellery store carries 18 kt white gold.  I went to at least 6 jewellery stores and only B.irks had it in 18 kt white gold at a sky high price.   I found out just how much gold went up in the last couple of years.  Yikes! I decided that I would check one more place and then I would settle for a 14K one at a substantially lower price.   But you know me, I’m determined (stubborn) , if nothing else and at the last moment, I found a small jewellery store who could MAKE one in the pattern I liked in TWO DAYS for several hundred dollars less than B.irks.  So, all excited and giddy, and incredibly drunk, I presented it to DH who was….underwhelmed.  Yep.  Basically, he said I didn’t have to do it, he wasn’t into wearing jewellery anyway and the one he had been wearing (a silver spinner ring (broken) that I gave him in the first flush of love) meant more. But really I had bought it because I wanted him to have it, it was not something he would want as a gift.  But it was nice. Thanks.

Yes, he did.  And then faced with my disappointment at his lack of enthusiasm at such an extravagant gift, he proceeded to justify his response by saying he was just being honest.  HONEST.  Like there was something wrong with ME for being upset.  After all, it would be like him giving me a CAR.  A CAR?!!!  All I could think was that I had no idea who the man was who took me on this wonderful trip, bought me two entire outfits, high heels, a bracelet and a cute hat and treated me like GOLD … and  then just looked at a 10th anniversary 18 kt white brushed custom made gold ring like it was a tie from K-Mart.  Heaven forbid he should shut his mouth for the sake of my feelings.

Oh, yes, it occurred to me that this colossal P.O.S. just made me feel like an idiot for all the running around I did, spending money on something I really couldn’t afford  because I had this crazy idea that HE WAS WORTH this symbol of love and devotion and family unity.

Needless to say, I went to sleep quite angry and hurt, plotting ways I could take the ring back and sell it at a pawn shop.   The next morning, he apologized and blah, blah, blah.  Yes, it occurred to me that he was upset at the extravagance during this “working from home” period, that he OBVIOUSLY had not given me a reciprocal gift.  But really, it would be more accurate to simply believe what he said as he is not in the habit of sugar coating ANYTHING.

I tried to avoid the topic of “the ring” the next day.  I was still upset but I actually missed the Precious and was ready to get home. I also wasn’t feeling well (ie. hungover).   On  the plane, we hit turbulence, and as usual, I got nauseous and weepy.  Then I just told him how truly upset I was and  he actually LISTENED.  As in his lips weren’t flapping back.  He apologized sincerely from his heart  and said he just didn’t want me to spend any money on him, and this time I believed him.

For Christmas, he’s getting a vacuum cleaner.

 

 

And then I told him I was always going to ask him for exactly what he wanted

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8 thoughts on “Gift horse

  1. Un-freaking-believable.

    If only he had given you the true answer up front rather than making you stew for so long.

    Personally, I think a vacuum cleaner is too good for him since you will probably be the one who ends up using it. I hear coal is still on sale.

  2. When I had to replace BigD’s ring (he had a hand accident and the ring needed to be cut off), I found one that was both white and yellow gold as he wears both at times. I thought it was beautiful. When I gave it to him he said “why didn’t you just have the old one fixed?” You’re welcome asswipe.

    If you do get him a vacuum, get one that YOU like…..but have his name engraved on a brass plate attached to it.

  3. Oh, yes, I will now forever believe him when he says I shouldn’t spend so much money on him, that only me and the Precious should get it. But I betya if I had come home with a 60 inch flat screen, he’d be peeing down his leg in excitement.

  4. What is it with men & gifts??!! That second last line about the vacuum cleaner totally cracked me up, as did your comment above (I’m afraid that one is only too true).

    I already know what I’m getting — maybe not exactly (thank goodness for a little element of surprise), but I know the store. I e-mailed a wishlist of charms for my bracelet from Pandora to dh & my sister. He kept thanking me for letting him know exactly what I wanted. Men!

  5. That would be something G would do — one anniversary I gave him this elaborate hunting knife made by this artisan that I tracked down made in this specific method G admired — and I was so … excited.

    He was … underwhelmed.

    I think sometimes they just don’t know how to receive and I find the biggest challenge is how to keep giving and not let it shut me down —

    It does sound like there was a gift in his listening to you at the end…

    Ooof.

    Vacuum cleaner for sure.

    XO

    Pam

    • I have to admit, the last thing I want to do is surprise him again. He hates surprises around his birthday. I once invited our friends and neighbours over for his birthday (back when I didn’t know any better) and he made such a stink about it that I had to call people back and tell them NOT to come over. I was mortified. Since then, he has mellowed a bit around his birthday, but I always check with him first. He doesn’t like a lot of fuss. Yet for Christmas, he’s nuts for gifts. The more the better.

  6. Boys. *eye roll* I’ve been on the receiving end of underwhelment myself, although not quite as craptastic as this. My solution was to ax gift giving altogether. It’s too stressful and then they don’t appreciate the effort or the gift. (Replace 60 in flat screen with high end mountain bike for my hubby)

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