Kudos

Kudos to the Pacific Post Partum Support Society who included adoptive mums when raising awareness for post partum depression.  I went to a fundraiser a couple years ago and I found it very interesting. I originally went to support a friend of mine who had experienced post partum depression after the birth of her twins.  Now of course, since I have never given birth, I thought out of whack hormones were largely to blame for post partum.  I was surprised to hear a brief mention about adoptive mums.  I remember when Lavender Luz talked about it on her blog as post adoption depression.  I don’t think I ever had that.  Any blues I’ve ever had are more about the stuff I’ve always struggled with before adoption but were now of course compounded with the demands of motherhood and my apparent inability to be a super happy super achieving super skinny woman.   Um, err, maybe I did.  But those feelings were not associated with how well I bonded with the Precious.  Let’s face it, he was pretty darn easy as an infant.  He slept well, he ate well,he wasn’t sick, and he only cried when he had a obvious reason to do so.  What I was depressed about was how people (you know who you are) still thought I could keep a 1500 sq. ft apartment orderly, walk the dog, cook, AND take care of the Precious. That’s just crazy talk.

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12 thoughts on “Kudos

  1. Hope it was acknowledged that the reasons are completely different and that post-adoption depression needs to be identified by that name and not comfused with something it is not.

  2. Interesting…. I remember having a specific chat about it with our SW during the home study process. Given some of my family history, she said I was pre-disposed and it was something I should keep an eye open for. I did experience what I believe was post-adoption depression for a few months after the euphoria of new mother-hood wore off (coupled with 3 months of sick) and it took a huge toll on me. I still carry guilt over it and I suspect I always will. It was one of the (many) reasons we chose not to pursue adding another child to our family.
    While I hope they discuss the differences from post-partum, I’m all for getting even the smallest bit of awareness out there on the subject.

    • I’ve said before that very little attention or support goes for adoptive mothers/parents, there’s a very different slant on our mothering process. I look like my kid so I don’t have to deal with people’s off the cuff remarks, but eventually when mothers talk it takes about 4 minutes before you’re being asked about how your labour and delivery story. I don’t always want to talk about our adoption journey with strangers because frankly, at times, it starts to get political. You can’t talk about your own perspective on mothering because it involves someone else’s story, your child’s past, your own feelings of guilt, about whether you’re going to have another one, etc. I was so pissed when I couldn’t find a group of adoptive mums at first to talk to. Even before the Precious, it would really have helped. Our own social worker from the agency was unavailable because she was on MATERNITY leave, so no, I didn’t think she’d get it.

  3. Our adoption happened 23 years ago ~~before Al Gore invented the internet~~so there was no information easily available about the aftermath of emotions post-adoption. In fact it was quite the opposite. I was supposed to be over the moon delirious because I hadn’t had swollen feet and an episiotomy. Even my family got upset with me because I wasn’t beaming with smiles 24/7. It definitely is a subject that needs to be talked about.

  4. Gah. I remember thinking it MUST be all in my head because I had no hormonal excuse for feeling as crummy as I did. But it was almost incapacitatingly real and I’m glad that your local group is being inclusive.

    I really like what you said on my blog today about mothers of world peace. And I hope you’ve had a beautiful Sunday 🙂

    • Maybe not hormonal reasons, but practical reasons, no less valid…like being exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed, those involve the adrenal glands. Yes, thank, I had a lovely Sunday.

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