Grateful exhaustion

My back has been giving me grief and of course, my chiropractor was on vacation.  So it got worse and I found myself back in his office again yesterday.  Of course, the Precious did his usual no, no, no routine and as because he was tired, I mustered patience and persistence and we finally got there, late, but the dejavu moment was not lost on me.  How many times have I laid on that table with the kid in the corner and me grimacing and moaning through the acupressure to release my tight muscles.  Sometimes I wonder if it’s the daily routine of mundane life that has brought me to my knees.

And yet….

A couple days ago, the Precious was merrily skipping down the pavement with the dog’s chuckit stick (it’s this thing that catapults a ball) and he tripped and banged his head on the sidewalk.  It sounded like a watermelon hitting the ground.  I was only 3 feet behind him and as I gathered him up in my arms and inspected the pearly red blood (so bright)  flowing from cuts on his head, a calm, coiled tension entered my body.  I calmed his cries, carried him up the front stairs of the house and placed him on the bench.  I gathered the dog who had become stuck because of a trailing extendaleash (I hate those things but that morning I couldn’t locate her usual lead) and went back to inspecting him.  Some cuts on his knees, a small piece of skin missing on his forehead, but otherwise okay.  I took him inside, cleaned his head with a cool cloth and called 811, the nursing line.  As I was put on hold, I was already picturing myself on the way to my doctor’s.  My little champ assisted me bravely by holding a cold cloth to his head and then the gauze.  After talking to the nurse, it was decided that as long as he didn’t display any serious symptoms, then a doctor visit was not needed. Then I called my husband to fill him in.   I had a first aid kit and I was shaking the cold compress – which did not get cold at all.  I cursed J&J and then when the kid was all bandaged up and quiet, I called them to give them a piece of my mind.  They promptly apologized  and courteously promised me a $20 cheque was in the mail.  I just wanted to yell at somebody.

The Precious was fine, quite impressed with the big bandage I put on his head, the penguin bandaids on his knees and the popsicle he received for his troubles.  Apparently a cool bandaid and a Popsicle made it all better.  An hour later we went to the local school field for a picnic.  He was running and laughing and chasing the ball I was throwing for the dog.  I looked at this kid with  amazement.  He was ours?  How lucky we were!  I watched him run after two swallows that had come out to play.  They swooped great circles around him.   Tears sprang to my eyes.  It was like I was watching a miracle.   He just ran around in the grass laughing and giggling.  I was so relieved and so freaking happy that he was okay. Maybe I should have had a popsicle too.

So on one hand, I feel worn out and would love to ship him off to his grandparents for a week.  My nerves get frayed with all constant 12 hour days of toddler demands and needs on top of cooking, cleaning up, laundry, dog duty, transcribing all night long and when I get an hour to myself I just want to disappear into a vaccum, and then the other hand, I feel so grateful to be a mother to this kid.  And lately, I feel like that every freaking day.  So weird.



7 thoughts on “Grateful exhaustion

  1. Me too. Grateful, exhausted on the edge of depletion and then something happens to fill me back up. This is a beautiful post. Xoxoxo

  2. I’ll drink to that! As another mother who freaks at the thought of her toddler hitting her head I am so relieved to read stories of those who who do hit their head and then later are laughing and playing like nothing ever happened. What a joyous moment with the swallows! It’s all a miracle isn’t it? Every day.

  3. Love this post. I, too, get caught up with the exhaustion of caring for a little one, but then have those moments of wonder that he is mine.

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