Not that I ever felt this way

I was telling a friend yesterday that I am feeling much better these days…lighter.  It was only a few short months ago when I could barely see straight – I was so fed up, drowning in emotions I haven’t felt since I was a teenager.  You know, when you kinda wish your parents would disappear and leave you the house and lots of money?  I read this article in More magazine and couldn’t believe someone had actually written this down.   “Being a widow is to have control over your life again.”  That was it, in a nutshell, I felt as if I had no control over my life.  I didn’t make the money, my debit record revealed precisely where I spent money.  So if I wanted to buy a pair of extravagant earrings or a L.elo vibrator, I had to surreptiously use my personal credit card and live with the guilt that I didn’t buy food or an educational course for my son. I didn’t want a husband to ask me if I had done this or that or comment for the billionth time that I make a lot of mess when I cook dinner. I was tired of picking up dog shit, empty poo from the potty and listening to outrageous farts.   TIRED. So, yes, it occurred to me that life as a widow might just give me the respite (and new wardrobe) I desired.   Have a laugh and read this story.


Just saying.


3 thoughts on “Not that I ever felt this way

  1. We have a name for that after dinner mess in my house. It’s called a pamnado. I do miss my autonomy. Both in decision-making but also in my own vision of myself.

    I often think about going back to work… But we couldn’t really make that work in terms of the money it would cost to send her to the kind of place we would want her to be in.

    Now I’m off to read that article!

    I really like more magazine by the way



  2. I can’t read the article because then it would be found on my browser when the police come to question me about how my husband —that has spent the last fucking year on the couch playing games on his phone—died I would probably have to fess up and turn over to them the pillow I would have smothered him with then they would haul me off to jail,,,,which would just replace the jail I am in now. Shit.

  3. Mr. X and I were apart for 6 weeks last year while he started his new job in another state and I stayed behind with Rex. Did it suck to be the sole child care provider? Yes, but it was really, really nice to have a clean kitchen and bathroom all the time. Things didn’t move! Towels hung nicely! Toilets didn’t clog! How sad is that?

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