Moving on

Well, we’re in.  We’ve made the move.  We’ve made repeated shuttles to the house to pick up even more stuff (where did we get all this stuff?????), pick up this, pick up that.  We still have tons to unpack and organize and put away, but  we’re in.  I took the Precious out and visited a neighbourhood friend to keep him entertained and out of the way while the movers came and took all the heavy stuff.    By mid afternoon, our dear friends came by with their kids who took over entertaining my child and walk the dog while we unpacked and set up the bedrooms so we could sleep comfortably. I am so grateful.  They were fantastic!  They even went out and got sushi for the everyone.  Well, not me cause I had to leave and go see my mum.  I  pulled over to park behind the hospital, turned the car off and just broke down.  I just wailed hysterically for about 10 minutes straight.  Then I blew my nose, got out and trudged in.  Weary, but I chanted daimoku and moved forward.  I stepped off the elevator on the 8th floor  and I could hear my mum yelling.  Luckily, they moved her from a ward to a private room but still the entire floor can hear her.  Ah, dementia, the gift that keeps giving.  I go in and try to settle her with little success, but eventually a nurse comes in with a mild sedative.  This is the most challenging part for me, to see mum like this. I try to redirect her, distract her, get water for her, sing to her, stroke her face. I used to be able to calm her down, but now there’s very little I can do to quiet her.  And then when she’s finally quiet, they came in to change her because she was wet again.  Cue the agitation and yelling.  I call it a night and go home.

The issue now is trying to get mum’s electrolytes back in balance and also find out why she’s putting out some much urine. I spoke to the endocrinologists who suspect diabetes insipidus.  This can be fixed by medication.

I remember what it was like back in the days when she first had a stroke and was in the hospital for months.  At first both DH and I were there 3 times a day, then 2 times a day, then daily.  For  2 1/2 months.   She would get off of the floor and wander so they had to assign her a personal care aide to guard her door.  DH would go to her room and find her naked and weeping by the window. She would be silent and depressed or stutter trying to find her way back to language.  I remember attending a therapy session and she couldn’t figure out what a brush was for.  I sat down in front of her and she started to brush my hair.   I swear, I thought the universe was a cruel, nasty place to have both hubby and I  laid off from important jobs at the same time, deal with mum and oh, yeah, try and get pregnant.  Insomnia, nose bleeds, and BFN after BFN.  Good times.   In retrospect, it was like steel being forged in the fire.  DH and I had a good talk about why we pull together in a crisis like a well oiled machine but go back to  snapping at each other when the worst is behind us.  We go back to being extremely independent people who like to do things their own way.  I do know that when things are on high alert, I find him to be listening intently to what I say and he just does whatever I ask him to do with no question.  My dream partner, hahaha.

Oh, yeah and I was supposed to organize a play reading.  Yeah, had to bail on that one.  If it’s one thing I’ve realized over the years, is that the game will go on if you pass the ball to the next player.  I have to leave my old Buddhist district, and join the one on the North Shore, I have to figure out where the heck things are in this new neighbourhood, find a new preschool, find out where to walk the dog…..and where’s my shaver?  It’s around here  somewhere.

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2 thoughts on “Moving on

  1. You shave? Hahhaha. It’s very cold here. No one sees our legs for six months ;). Just kidding… Sort of.

    So thrilled to hear you are in your new home… I’ve been thinking of you a lot in the last few weeks. I remain in awe of you. You are such a compassionate soul, such a loving soul to your mother. I really can’t say enough about how much you make me think.

    Isn’t that the test of a relationship? That coming together in crisis? You know it’s in both of you. It carries you through this other times.

    I’ll be sending you warm thoughts as you settle into your new place… I know I always feel unsettled when I am unsettled. I am not good with change… Which seems ironic that Buddhism should call to me so.

    Xoxo

    Lots of love, can’t wait to hear about the new settling in,

    Pam

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