I’ve been keeping pretty quiet lately. You know the old saying – if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. I prefer the Dorothy Parker quote – if you can’t say anything nice, come sit by me.
And then the sun started shining which in this city, is always a boost to the spirits. Yesterday, a friend took my son to the petting zoo with his daughter and I had the whole morning to myself. Ooooh, freedom! I had a brisk walk with the dog, went through a car wash (no line up and for free with Esso points – score!), vacuumed the front hallway and washed my hair! What a day, what a day! Then I made lunch for the munchkins and a healthy salad for the grownups. Oh,yes, I thought I could have spent the time doing so many other things, like having a coffee and reading the paper, but I knew I’d regret it later.
I announced the other day to DH that I had had enough of f/t parenting, so I was going to look for one day a week daycare. An entire day. Have no idea of where or how yet, but I’ve got to make it happen. I hope there is such a thing. Boo has been on a 2 week spring break and he’s bored stiff with me. We’ve been able to visit friends and have some fun, but apparently he wants entertainment all day long. This is the downside of having one child with no nearby friends. He can entertain himself for short periods of time but he’d rather be with someone his own age or at least someone who has an interest in jumping on the couch. He’s 3 yrs old and he hits the ground running in the mornings. Unlike his crabby mum. I have signed him up for another preschool program on the days he won’t be in preschool over the bridge and there’s also preschool 3 days a week in the fall. So I’ll still have time with him for adventures twice a week. I do like hanging out with him but I get lonely for adult time or the ability to run errands minus the whining. On this 2 week break, I find myself staring at the front door willing hubby to walk in. And then I Boo and I vie for his attention. I lose every time. We seem to have returned to our old routine of being burnt out and retreating to our respective corners after the kid is in bed. Remember when I said the wheels will start falling off? Well, I’ve dropped one wheel already. I’ve got to take care of myself.
And there’s also the issue of earning more money. It’s hard to watch others go on vacation and buy new cars and we’re just treading water so to speak. Unless your spouse makes 6 figures, it’s hard to get ahead on one income. Hubby is making grim predictions about his industry and he’s self employed which means of course, that job security is non-existent. The film and movie industry in this town if you haven’t heard is about 90% unemployment. And of course, we just moved…. incurring more expense in one of the most expensive cities to live in Canada.
Things are returning to somewhat normal, now that the relatives have gone. My blood pressure had shot up to 135 over whatever and now it’s down to 105. Mum is doing well surprisingly. She has everyone scratching their heads. She’s supposed to be receiving palliative care, but she doesn’t really look like she’s dying. I have to laugh really. It`s like mum is saying I’ll go when I am good and ready thank you. Nice of mum to give me a dress rehearsal. I come from strong people. I asked her the other night if she was afraid of dying. She said no. I told her not to worry; it was like taking off a tight pair of shoes. Not that I know anything, but if anyone deserves a nice, long rest, it’s her. When I think of all she survived, it makes me hang my head in shame at all my whinging. She suffered breakdown after breakdown, degradation and heartache. I knew she didn’t want her daughters to suffer similar fates.
Today I found out my father, whom I haven’t seen in over a decade, is coming to see my mum. His presence is not welcome. I knew in my gut that this day would come, I just hoped that I didn’t have to deal with in a time of such uncertainty. Karma, friggin’ karma. Another wheel just fell off.