So dad is arriving next Monday. Ostensibly with the intention to see my mother. He has been actively discouraged from doing so as he cannot really afford to come and stay here. Oh, no he’s not staying here, nope, not going to happen. And I cannot afford to pay for his hotel stay. My husband predictably went into guard dog mode, with a dash of transference, and went to defcon 4. He cannot figure out why I haven’t called him to tell him off and do not dare show up. Well, I had hoped he was just making noise and we not show up, but my sister told me he made travel plans.
I haven’t seen him in a decade. And the last time I spoke to him he chastized me for not inviting him to my wedding. I did point out to him that he had not informed me of his own marriage #2 and #3. Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions with people you actually love or at least like. He was not paying for my wedding, I did not want him walking me down the aisle and that was that. I chose a man who had my best interests at heart. So that’s how that went down.
Family drums being what they are, I’ve been informed of the major goings on with him and stuff over the years. My sister did live in Atlanta for years so she had far more contact with him than I did. Most of it was difficult for her and I know why.
Now at a time I feel most fragile, my father has called me. I told my husband that I had to what was best for me, not for him. He’s right in assuming I would just go into the land of denial and just be polite and hold my tongue. However, I now understand what my mission is here. I don’t want to be at odds with the Buddhist beliefs, and I don’t want to be at odds with my true self either. How to create value while not throwing up in my mouth, mmmm, let’s see.