Mama’s catching on

Another busy, busy week – 3 auditions and one callback. No, no gig yet.  I have to admit it’s soooo frustrating to have great parts to audition for and nothing happens and even when I get a smaller part, I can’t seem to get that nailed down either.  I was feeling disheartened for a bit, but shook it off.  I could really use the money, but it’s starting to feel like I’m playing the lottery.  I should be used to the rollercoaster that is called my acting life.  I keep hoping that my focus will improve but I need to make some changes – not sure how yet, but I think more chanting is needed here.   I think it’s the constant yo-yo affect.  One minute I’m a mother just trying to make it through the day and the next, I get an audition the night before and I have to suddenly switch gears.  I’m just not that jazzed about auditioning.  It’s a hectic interruption in my day which requires me to find out where I can leave my kid (usually at hubby’s office) which means I try to fit in prep between everything else and I run around like my hair’s on fire.  All for 15 seconds in a room.  And then drive in crazy traffic, text, text, text, and blah, blah, blah.   It’s like being told 99% of the time, no, you’re not the one.  It’s like you’re sitting on the couch in your sweats and then you get a call that the hottest guy in the world is coming to pick you up for an exciting date.  So you rush to the shower, shave your legs, pluck your eyebrows, put on your sexiest underwear, put on your makeup, dig out your expensive perfume, put on your best dress with all your great accessories….and he doesn’t show.  Again and again and again. You start to dread the phonecall, but you always go cause it could be Mr. Right.   You know people always comment how glamorous and exciting it is that I’m an actress.  Well, no, folks, it ain’t.  And it’s expensive.  Unless maybe you’re fill in the blank hot actress in Hollywood.  And then people give you free things all the time.

On the plus side, my almost 4 year old has stopped acting like a complete jackass. The other  night he told hubby he was the bestest dad in the world and then he turned to me and told me I was the bestest mama in the world.  Awwww.    Boo is also known as LD as in Little Dictator, cause he just loves telling me, no, I’m not wearing that, no, I don’t want to go there, no, I won’t eat that or that or that.( “Put on your socks, Boo.  No, you put them on.  I don’t know how.  Yes you do.  No, I don’t.  You do it.  You know how too, Boo, come on, we gotta go.  Nooooooo!!!!!!) With everyone else, he’s laidback and agreeable, but with me, he feels safe and secure to let me know the numerous things he will not do despite me asking or telling him 5-10 times in a row.  He demands a bath.  He demands milk.  He demands chips for breakfast.  He demands he won’t eat anything for breakfast.  I don’t want to yell all day long nor do I want to spend the day negotiating like I’m a hostage (though yes, at times, it feels like it).  What I have learned is that LD is defining who is is and he want to have a lot of say in what he wears and where he goes and what he eats.  So I let him wear what he wants within reason of course.  No shorts in cold weather, but he can always change into shorts when he comes home.  Even if that means he wears his Spiderman t-shirt 3 days in a row.  I just told him as long as it’s clean, he can wear it.  And you know, doesn’t the little mischief maker manage to keep it clean!   I got sick and tired of him telling me he doesn’t want lunch and instead I just call lunch “snacks” and cut up a bunch of stuff to make it look like snacks instead of a sandwich or a full meal.  He can “earn” popcorn and movies, if he picks up after himself or after a bit of “learning” time.  He’s learned that when I say I’ve had it, I mean it.  He is well aware of the naughty chair and a couple of months ago, sometimes he sat in it more than a few times in a week.  Yes, I had to drag him kicking and screaming a couple of times and I felt like the wicked witch of the east, but he knew I meant business and hasn’t repeated that dramatic behaviour.  I have to say that that whole Nanny 911 naughty chair business works extremely well.   And you can use a curb, the back of the car and the column in a store if need be.  I’ve caught on to his crocodile tears, but I know that look on his face when he is truly distraught.  I’ve realized that a bit of warm milk and goldfish puts him in a terrific mood when I pick him up at preschool and can buy me time if I need to run a couple of errands.  He adores having visitors or dropping by a friend’s place particularly if there is someone for him to play with.

It’s brutal trying to get Boo to eat meat, particularly chicken (even if I keep calling it turkey). Now I am cooking vegetarian meals for for all of us.  And you know what?  I like it.  I’m getting better at it.It’s all about the seasoning.

I had amazing day to myself today!  My prayers have been answered!!!!  Boo had an overnight stay with his little “cousins”  which saved us a ton in babysitting fees.  We had a wedding to go to mid afternoon and then it was on to the yacht club for the reception.  We thought for sure we’d stay out late and party but you know what?  About 9pm, we ran out of steam and just wanted to go home and go to bed.  We said our goodbyes, took a cab home and by the time I put my head on the pillow, I was out!!  I’m sure it had a lot to do with the many glasses of wine, but man, to sleep in til 9am was like I was on holiday.  We had an interrupted conversation in the morning.  And finished our coffees.  We got up to go get Boo and go meet some friends at a pumpkin patch but Boo pleaded to stay with his buddies, so hubby just dropped me back home and he hung out with Boo and his friends.  I crawled back into bed with a latte and a newspaper.  Heaven!!!!  And then I took a long, brisk walk in the woods with the dog and listened to a Buddhist podcast.  Then I took a shower and washed my hair. Read some Buddhist study material. OOOOH!  And finally, I cooked a dinner ahead of time because I had a Buddhist study meeting to attend.  Just followed a recipe and sliced and diced with music on.  With no interruptions.  I made kale and chickpea soup and also  black bean and corn burgers,  Hubby later said it was one of the best things I ever made!  Woohoo!  Can’t believe it!  And I had a lovely study meeting to boot!  I made a quick grocery store visit (of course) but made it home to put an exhausted Boo to bed and read him a couple of Spiderman stories.

I’d love to stay up late to savor the day, but the grind of the week will ensue shortly and Mama needs her rest. Mmmm, maybe I should go to bed at 7:30.  NOOOOOO!

10 thoughts on “Mama’s catching on

  1. Isn’t it funny how their behavior is so different with different people? Same thing happens to us all the time.

    Auditioning sounds exhausting just sitting here and reading. Ugh.

    • Yes, DH used to look at me like I was crazy when I would describe Boo on a bad day….and then we went on vacation together and he experienced the awesomeness that is our son.

  2. We also call my daughter “The Littlest Dictator,” and the name fits exceedingly well. Perhaps all preschoolers for that title. 😉

    That weekend sounds AMAZEBALLS! Seriously, I was swooning just reading about it.

    I hope one of the tortuous auditions results in a fruitful part. Keeping all appendages crossed!

  3. You sound good 🙂 I love the way you describe Boo and how you are handling his surge for independence. I should show you some of the photos I have of son2 and his *creative* clothing choices. At Boo’s age he would run outside, mid-summer, wearing shorts, boots, mittens and his bike helmet. It was hysterical and fortunately the neighbors laughed too (um, maybe they were laughing at me??) To give you some comfort he is now successful and has a beautiful fiancée.
    I can’t imagine being an actress. I can imagine the acting part of it but all the hurry up and wait and rejection would wreak havoc on what sensibilities I do have. I went to school with a girl that planned on being the next Meryl Streep and it has been such a struggle for her to even make a living and has done a real number on her mentally.
    I’m glad Boo knows you are the bestest mommy in the world. When it comes right down to it, it’s the best part you will every play 🙂

    • I’ve often said that acting is a little bit like having a chronic disease. Every time you think you’re over it, it comes back and hits you in the face again. Most young actors are in awe of my resume, but really I’ve only made an actual living for about 2 years out of the 20 that I’ve been doing it. I kinda consider myself semi-retired. Maybe that’s my problem. But every now and again I just can’t handle taking the ass kicking that my ego takes when I don’t book.

  4. I think my four year old and your four year old might have been twins in a former life, or something. They sound identical! Sigh…

    I have been seeking a new job for eons now, in a saturated market. Countless rejections, and ongoing frustrations really do wear on you. Hang in there… I have to believe that the right job is out there for you- it just hasn’t come along yet!

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