Staying in the moment

I’ve had the craziest time recently. I had a back spasm a couple weeks ago that left me feeling like 150 yrs old.  So on the advice of friends, I decided to do physiotherapy instead of chiropractic.  Now, I’m all about the quick fix, folks, cause my life is busy and always changing and just when I think I can predict my day, things change.   But no, I decide, I’ll give this physio thing a try. It’s gotten so bad that I can no longer sleep on my side due to pain in my hips.  My hip flexors are so tight, my hips are out of alignment.  So off I went for a consult and then off to do IMS, intra muscular stimulation.  Like acupuncture, this involves needles being inserted into your muscles.  Not for the faint hearted, but let’s face it, I’ve done IVF, so bring it on. Painful?  Oh, yes!  But nowhere as uncomfortable as a some of the stuff I’ve had done, so whatever.   Now, the therapist warned me I’d feel worse, but holy moly, I felt like crap for 2 days and just wanted to cry.    And then simultaneously I start auditioning like crazy.  I haven’t been this busy in years!  The result?   2 callbacks, one for a lead part, one for a one-liner, one I made the shortlist for a lesbian trucker and one I haven’t heard back from yet.  Of course, the callback for the lead part, I think I friggin’ sucked, and because I got so invested in the part, it’s hard to let go.  I’d like to get the part for validation but also because I could really use the money.  Christmas is coming.  So I beat myself up about it of course while trying to just put it behind me at the same time.  Yes, I’ve been replaying it in my mind like a freaking nightmare.  You’d think being a Buddhist I would have mastered not getting attached to things, but noooooo.  This is the bad part of being an actress and one I’ve always hated.  The lure of the part you really want versus all the other factors you cannot control and have nothing to do with you that results in you not getting the part.  And it was my 12th wedding anniversary.  I made cranberry scones from scratch  for my in-laws to show them appreciation (and chocolate cake for hubby), cleaned up, ate a fast dinner, then went downtown to run my lines with my friend, then came back at 9pm so I could wash the cake pans (grrrr) and retire early. II could think of nothing else but what I had to do the next day.

My in-laws had come over to relieve us of kid duty and I had to blow them off to go work on this part.  Luckily hubby planned for us to go to Whistler the next day.  After getting the kid ready for preschool and my morning audition of course.  And another audition scheduled at noon.   I called my friend (on bluetooth) as I worked my way back home to just blow off some steam.  I just needed to vent to someone who truly understood and was willing to take the time to listen.  I just need some good news to affirm that all this hard work and juggling has been worth while.  And then I threw some things in a bag and headed to Whistler with hubby. 

Having gone what we have gone through, this anniversary’s expectations were pretty darn low.  Money being somewhat tight, I really appreciated hubby’s efforts to take me away for the night.  The last time we went to Whistler for an anniversary, I was lucky enough to receive sapphire jewellery and a spa visit and I’m pretty sure shopping was on the agenda.  This time, I was just happy to go for the drive on a beautiful day.  We have a friend in the hotel industry who got us a screaming deal on a luxury hotel room and the change in scenery really did us some good.  We just kept it light and got tipsy and took a breather from all things intense.  We reminded each other of all that we did have. 

The thing with your body feeling all fragile and achy and responsibilities piling up, you just want to feel secure and safe and that someone will be there for you to hold your hand and let you know they have your back. No pun intended.

 

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