Microblog Mondays -One More Thing To Do

I haven’t been back to speak to anyone at the nursing home since Mum died.  I dropped off a letter regarding donating her wheelchair and a notice of her funeral but I didn’t personally invite anyone (no one came anyway, but I suppose if they went to every funeral of all the residents who died, they’d be busy every weekend).  That’s not like me.  But I was moving at the speed of light and frankly I haven’t really stopped to consider much until now.  I guess cause it’s not like I can go to her room and just sit there.  Someone else is there.  It’s not a great place to visit.  My place there was to be with her.  She was on a locked floor where you had to key in a code to get off on that floor.  It’s not like the residents on that floor knew my name.  They shuffle about like zombies, the new ones trying to get off the floor or they think you’re staff.   Just thinking about it makes me hyperventilate a bit.

I think I’ll go back today. But the staff know me, they’ve grown attached to my son.  I actually do care about them.  I just feel out of place there without Mum.  I have no idea of how to thank the care staff who took care of her for so many years.  A note?  A Starbucks card?  It seems so insufficient.  Any suggestions?

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8 thoughts on “Microblog Mondays -One More Thing To Do

  1. Hmm, good question. Fruit basket with a card? I can understand why it seems insufficient to you, but they would probably just appreciate knowing that they were appreciated. 🙂

  2. As a healthcare professional, I can say that we all love food. Food of any sort. And I imagine they will welcome you warmly and that will help the visit feel a little less painful. Hugs to you…

  3. In the six years my dad was in an Alzheimer’s locked unit, my mother (a former nurse) would periodically bring in different kinds of foods – fruit baskets, pastries, finger sandwiches. The nursing home staff really does become a kind of second family, and they’ll understand if you stay away, and welcome you if you decide to visit. Best of luck.

    • You’re right, they did understand. I went back yesterday and wrote some thank you cards – of course, I forgot one – so I will go back and for most of the senior staff, I included Starbucks cards. I was pretty emotional there, I couldn’t even look at my mum’s room next the nursing station. I’ll go back again with a basket of goodies.

  4. I agree with Sangela71 above… if there are several people you want to thank, perhaps a basket of some sort, or a big box of chocolates, or cookie assortment, etc., that everyone can share would be appreciated. Or maybe a big, pretty pointsettia/holiday floral arrangement for the main desk? And, of course, a note expressing your thanks for all they did for your mom over the years. Overall, I agree, it’s the thought that counts. 😉

  5. You’ve already had great advice. My response would have been chocolates and flowers. My mother has just moved into a rest home, and so this will come to me in time too.

  6. I don’t have a suggestion for a gift but I think your presence would speak volumes. I often thought about going back to my grandmother’s nursing home after she died. I knew some of the other people who ate dinner with her at night, and I wondered how they were. Though I felt shy about going there since I couldn’t visit her anymore.

  7. That’s such a tough situation. We gave the staff on my grandmother’s floor a fruit basket and a card of appreciation after she died, and when we had a small memorial service in the chapel downstairs a week later for people who knew her in Rochester (her big funeral was in her hometown in Ohio), I brought up a plate of goodies from the food tables and thanked them again. Her floor on the nursing home didn’t have other people that I connected with, it was very much as you described your mom’s floor — shuffling people who seemed very confused most of the time. I never went back. The staff turned over also, so it seemed after a while there was no one left who would know who we were. I bet they would appreciate a holiday visit with your son, but it doesn’t sound like an ongoing repeat occurrence would be needed. Especially if it is so emotionally draining. I tear up passing the building, and while my relationship with my grandmother was close, she wasn’t my mom…so I can only imagine how the emotional ties would make returning difficult for you.

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