I haven’t been back to speak to anyone at the nursing home since Mum died. I dropped off a letter regarding donating her wheelchair and a notice of her funeral but I didn’t personally invite anyone (no one came anyway, but I suppose if they went to every funeral of all the residents who died, they’d be busy every weekend). That’s not like me. But I was moving at the speed of light and frankly I haven’t really stopped to consider much until now. I guess cause it’s not like I can go to her room and just sit there. Someone else is there. It’s not a great place to visit. My place there was to be with her. She was on a locked floor where you had to key in a code to get off on that floor. It’s not like the residents on that floor knew my name. They shuffle about like zombies, the new ones trying to get off the floor or they think you’re staff. Just thinking about it makes me hyperventilate a bit.
I think I’ll go back today. But the staff know me, they’ve grown attached to my son. I actually do care about them. I just feel out of place there without Mum. I have no idea of how to thank the care staff who took care of her for so many years. A note? A Starbucks card? It seems so insufficient. Any suggestions?