Microblog Mondays – The year that didn’t break me

Microblog_MondaysHappy New Year everyone!  Yes, it is indeed 2016.  I can’t say I’d like to repeat 2015; it was a tough one. But I wore it well.

Our income dwindled and there were a few months where rent was a question mark.  Yet the universe always came through for us and we made it.  I know that financial stress is a huge part of why couples divorce and I can’t say that thought didn’t flit around my brain for a bit but once my husband and I were able to communicate better, life became a lot easier. I was grateful to be able to make more money and contribute more.

I enjoyed being a parent more.  I loved to watch my son laugh and play and develop as his own person.  He has a great sense of humour and he is kind and generous.  I looked forward to hearing his stories about his day (though I usually had to pry it out of him).  I had to answer a lot of tough questions from him.  His ears heard everything and I kept forgetting that. He’s like a sponge at this age and watches our behaviour like a hawk and is quite quick to point out hypocritical behaviour.

I had a lot of hormonal upheaval – at least that’s my excuse for my cranky disposition this year.  Everything below the waist was doing its own thing without my permission and boy did that bring up that infertility trauma  again. The edge part of came out in full force.

I am not a pushover but  I hate confrontation with the people closest to me in my life.  I also hate saying no to people’s requests.  The downside is that people step all over your boundaries and in 2015, I flexed my referee muscles and blew the whistle so to speak, particularly with my family.  On a surprising note, I learned to care less if people thought I was “nice” or not.

Of course, the biggest thing for me was was that my mum died.  I haven’t really talked about it much because I spent most of the time just dealing with my sisters and planning mum’s service.  I think I’ve dealt with it by pushing it out of my head.  Enforced amnesia.  And then my husband’s uncle was diagnosed with a debilitating disease and my next mission became hosting a Christmas gathering full of joy and happiness.  It was a great benefit really to  cook for 12 people in my home at holiday time.  It kept me busy and living in the moment and I so enjoy  having people over.  I didn’t have time to get down.  Also, having some money (thanks mum for leaving me some) took the pressure off so I could spoil hubby and the kid for Christmas and not stress out over the cost of feeding people for a week.

I felt I was always putting off things last year because of lack of funds.  (And I do mean lack of funds in the first world way bourgeois way.  Using credit when I shouldn’t, always buying on sale,  forgoing dining out with friends as much but never actually suffering hunger.) No gym, no extended health care unless absolutely necessary, limited acting classes, no new coat or shoes for myself, etc.  But I paid off some debt and bought a few things I always wanted.  However, I learned there is very little I actually need.

Here’s to 2016 – may it bring you all peace of mind, prosperity and good health.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Microblog Mondays – The year that didn’t break me

  1. “But I wore it well.” Indeed. I love the way you frame things here, that you didn’t go out but you were not suffering starvation. And that you are aware of your own grieving process for your mum.

    Yes. Here’s to 2016, my friend.

  2. It has been such a tough year for you, even with the good things in parenting your son at an interesting age. I hope that 2016 is so much kinder to you in all possible ways.

  3. When you boil life down to the basics, it’s amazing how little you need to actually be happy. I’m glad last year is behind you. Maybe 2016 look very different.

  4. 2015 hasn’t been the kindest but I am grateful that you still had some happy moments despite the dark times. Here’s to a kinder and happier 2016! Sending lots of hugs and good thoughts your way.

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