It’s been quite the week, hasn’t it? I was at a farewell party for some Buddhist friends of mine who are moving to Whitehorse, NWT. I had to race back home, open a bottle of wine and watch the US election results. Trump became the next president – WTF America?. I’ve had to unfriend someone on my Facebook who kept leaving rabid anti-Hillary/conspiracy rants on my feed after I would repost certain articles. I get it, not everybody has to agree with me, that’s fine, but I was beginning to feel reluctant to repost articles because I was afraid I was going to have to deal with the above mentioned vitriol from that person. This person was also a fellow Buddhist though he wasn’t a personal friend. Yep, surprise. So bye bye, if you refuse to leave your muddy shoes at the door, you can’t come in my house. I don’t need to be aggravated and engage in mudslinging over people I can’t even VOTE FOR. Frankly, I rarely take a political stance on Facebook and I usually just repost certain videos that reflect my personal views. I use it primarily just to keep in touch with acting colleagues and friends. And watch funny animal videos – that’s crucial. I would prefer to have serious social discourse in person as oppose to online, but you know, that’s how things are these days.
I’ve been at the hospital 3 times in a week visiting my acting teacher (transplanted American) who was beside herself after the election results. I’ve been reading how even here, children are being racially harassed at school and then yesterday I read this article in the neighbourhood newspaper. Not like this shit doesn’t exist here, but it all happened within 5 days after the election. As if certain people felt like they have a certain social approval and impunity to unload their racist shit on people.
I also found out that the one last thing I need from the government in order to conclude my job as the administrator of my mum’s estate – despite them having my request for over 20 weeks, they have done NOTHING on the file. NOTHING. After finally reaching a human being, she starts to tell me how understaffed they are and blah, blah, blah. Bureaucracy. Surely, if I owed the government anything, they come at you with hammer and tongs. This I know from experience and yet when they can’t do their job in a timely fashion, too bad for you.
Then this morning, I found out I didn’t get a position in a theatre workshop that would have been creatively invigorating (not to mention a steady income) after a dismal year in TV and film.
Things are getting a lot more stressful at home. The dog needs expensive dental surgery, Boo’s birthday is coming up, Christmas season is upon us and my hair looks like shit. (Feel my black woman blues.) Seems disappointment and despair is in the air. It’s contagious. I’ve been chanting more these days in order to keep my spirits afloat. I’m trying my best to encourage people when even in my heart, the tendrils of panic are stirring. I’m in the midst of trying to make some major changes in my life, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m already feeling the need to blunt the edges with another glass of wine. Looking for a soft place to land and people are leaning on me. How do expand my heart, how do I expand my life?
There will be times in life when you cannot succeed. Or times when hardship seems about to crush you. Such times are inevitable, yet we should not allow our spirits to be broken by them. D. Ikeda