A deep freeze

I wrote a half a post about a week ago concerning a friend of mine who is going through a marital breakdown – I hit a wrong button and it all evaporated.  I was so pissed off, I couldn’t retrieve it, but whatever.  These people are so close to me and its one of those couples that I know many people held up as an example.  I feel just so bad for them, there’s so much pain.   It was causing me to reflect on my own marriage, and not in a good way, if you know what I mean.  It makes me think what would I do?   I’ve heard more than a few times from female friends, that the husband just upped and left after the kids grew up or they found someone else, a younger and prettier version.  I remember wanting my parents marriage to be over when I was 11 years old because I just couldn’t take the violence, the disrespect, the humiliation anymore and yet ultimately my mother went back to my father because she just couldn’t make it on her own.  Despite the fact that he tried to choke the life out of her in front of a crowd.  For my dad’s part, it was his ego that was wounded, he never wanted her and the ensuing years was just a facade.  It changed how I viewed myself, the opposite sex and my ability to deal with conflict.  It made me question the whole point of marriage to begin with.

I have to talk to both people, but it’s just plain awkward.  I am trying to be supportive and reassuring  while remaining neutral but of course, I have my opinions.   I have to be careful with what I say cause I don’t want to get into any trouble.  I guess I can’t ask the husband for  marriage advice anymore.  Huh.

The weather here has been unseasonably cold; it has already snowed a few times and mild chaos ensued.  I was brought up out East, so I don’t find it that bad, but Vancouver is ill prepared for snow, even when it’s forecasted.  Sigh.  We’ve been having a shortage of salt and a lot of neighbourhood side streets are like ice rinks.  So the city decided to “help” and put free salt/sand at some fire stations.  There was a mob scene at one of them.  Over salt.  Sigh.  Someone even posted a bag of salt for $80 on Craig’s List.  Both hubby and I took over shovelling snow for our elderly neighbours and I was rewarded with a beautiful “quillow” for Christmas (from the friendly one). I’d never heard of one, but it’s  quilt that has a pouch you can put your feet into and you can fold it up into a pillow using the same pouch.  It really came in handy cause I got the flu over Christmas.  First hubby got it, but he recovered in 2 days and then I woke up with it Christmas morning.  Yay, a gift I can’t return.  So much for the serious drinking I had in mind.   Oh yeah, and hubby took his brother to the emergency room 3 times due to gall bladder pain.  It was a Christmas for the books.  We came home early from our in-laws and I spent the next 4 days in bed.  In isolation.  Well, actually I dragged myself out of bed to do a roundtable taping with fellow African Canadian actors and then back to bed.  I’m good now except for a residual phlegmy cough.



3 thoughts on “A deep freeze

  1. I’m glad you’re feeling better, and that the “quillow” helped — what a neat idea! Oh, your divorcing friends. So sad. This particularly got me, “I guess I can’t ask the husband for marriage advice anymore. Huh.” How awful when a couple you thought had it all together disintegrates, and you don’t know how to support the situation and/or offer any of your own advice… it does make you question everything. I know when I got divorced there was a clear line of who supported who but tried to be both, and I pretty much let go of people who had kept ties to my ex-husband because he was so rotten and I needed a clean break. I’m sorry that your own view of marriage was put through that lens of your parents…that sounds horrific. So much to think about. Well, good luck at your round table and may the phlegmy cough go away for good!

  2. I am sorry about your friends… a few couples we know have split, and yes, it’s awkward. I only JUST reconnected on FB with the ex-husband of my university roomie, something like 20 years after they split — I actually met him at a party before I met her! — and I introduced them! — so it’s nice to be back in touch, I told him I was still in touch with her but left it at that. I’m not sure whether she’s noticed that he’s now my FB friend. I decided I wasn’t going to bring the subject up. 😉

    I heard about the salt incident. 😉 It’s been chilly here in the GTA, too, although not Prairie cold (of course, what is, right??). They declared an “extreme cold alert” here when the temps hit -8C last week. My cousins in Manitoba all thought this was absolutely hilarious. I started trying to explain on FB that it’s really just a formality to activate community services like “warming centres” for the homeless, etc., but decided that was one I could not win, & so shut my cybermouth. 😉 Hope you are feeling better!

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