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I’ll smash your face in

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I finished my fighter bootcamp Tuesday night.  It was about 1 1/2 hrs.  OMG, it was good!  We learned how to “mount” our opponent (oh, yes, I had my way with the trainer), knee someone in the gut and then how to get someone off of you and roll them over.  At the end, we did two rounds of speed/strength/boxing drills, and we each got two 1 minute rounds to fight with our trainer.  Oh, yeah, and I held a car tire over my head for a minute.  (Last week I did 35 shoulder presses with it.)  Did I mention he does MMA (that’s mixed martial arts)?  He was all padded up with gear and we got to try out our punch combinations and kicks on a real, live target. I did pretty good except one of my kicks connected with his elbow and now my lower shin is sore as hell.  It feels like it should be black and blue but instead it’s tender to the touch.  Lucky, it’s one of the few places on my legs that don’t bruise.  Anyways, it was awesome!  I can’t believe I’m saying this but I ENJOY hitting someone. I loved it!   As long as they don’t hit me back, that is.

The trainer didn’t present much of a target, he didn’t make it easy and he kept moving which meant I had to go after him which meant by the end of the round I could barely breathe.  Damn asthma.  It’s those moments that make you realize just how out of shape you are!  Kinda makes you appreciate those guys who have to last 3 minutes per round with each other and of course, they’re in supreme condition.

You pay extra for the figher bootcamp, but you certainly get your money’s worth. The class was supposed to be an hour and it was always 1 1/2 hrs.  I have to say I was pretty surprised at the level of encouragement and support women receive at this gym.  As long as you make an effort, they’re right there cheering you on and don’t make you feel fat and useless.  Hubby thinks I have a crush on my trainer. I don’t.  I don’t think of him in THAT way, he can’t be more than 25 or so.   It’s just that he seems so sincere with his business.  He’s not trying to get you to lose weight, he’s teaching you how to punch and kick.  He doesn’t criticize you, he only encourages you to do your best.  Our group had varying ages and sizes, some in shape and some grossly out of shape.  But we all were committed and no one complained.   No one has the intention of taking up MMA and certainly don’t want to break anybody’s leg or get a black eye.  But when I came home that night, I didn’t care about my sore shin, I felt positively giddy because I felt strong and competent and empowered.

I’ve got a crush on that.

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Gift horse

On Tuesday,  we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary with a two day trip to La Jolla, CA.  Before the Precious, we were going to return to Bali, but of course, a 20+ hr plane ride is out of the question, not to mention, out of the budget.    I thought DH had something special in the works, but apparently, he didn’t, so I got involved.  There was a seat sale for LA, so we fly there, picked up a rental car at the airport and drove to a very lovely resort in La Jolla.  It had a spa and I was really looking forward to that.  We had a couples massage and then went for a light dinner.

The next day, DH treated me to a little shopping spree and then we went for a romantic dinner on an outdoor patio.  Cue sunset.  He gave me a really beautiful Hallmark card and I wept, I was so touched.  I had a little surprise of my own, but I waited til we got back to the hotel room.  I presented my dearest with a new wedding ring to replace the one he lost earlier this year.  Now, I have to tell you, I thought of the idea pretty late in the game, and then I found how just how expensive it was going to be and not every jewellery store carries 18 kt white gold.  I went to at least 6 jewellery stores and only B.irks had it in 18 kt white gold at a sky high price.   I found out just how much gold went up in the last couple of years.  Yikes! I decided that I would check one more place and then I would settle for a 14K one at a substantially lower price.   But you know me, I’m determined (stubborn) , if nothing else and at the last moment, I found a small jewellery store who could MAKE one in the pattern I liked in TWO DAYS for several hundred dollars less than B.irks.  So, all excited and giddy, and incredibly drunk, I presented it to DH who was….underwhelmed.  Yep.  Basically, he said I didn’t have to do it, he wasn’t into wearing jewellery anyway and the one he had been wearing (a silver spinner ring (broken) that I gave him in the first flush of love) meant more. But really I had bought it because I wanted him to have it, it was not something he would want as a gift.  But it was nice. Thanks.

Yes, he did.  And then faced with my disappointment at his lack of enthusiasm at such an extravagant gift, he proceeded to justify his response by saying he was just being honest.  HONEST.  Like there was something wrong with ME for being upset.  After all, it would be like him giving me a CAR.  A CAR?!!!  All I could think was that I had no idea who the man was who took me on this wonderful trip, bought me two entire outfits, high heels, a bracelet and a cute hat and treated me like GOLD … and  then just looked at a 10th anniversary 18 kt white brushed custom made gold ring like it was a tie from K-Mart.  Heaven forbid he should shut his mouth for the sake of my feelings.

Oh, yes, it occurred to me that this colossal P.O.S. just made me feel like an idiot for all the running around I did, spending money on something I really couldn’t afford  because I had this crazy idea that HE WAS WORTH this symbol of love and devotion and family unity.

Needless to say, I went to sleep quite angry and hurt, plotting ways I could take the ring back and sell it at a pawn shop.   The next morning, he apologized and blah, blah, blah.  Yes, it occurred to me that he was upset at the extravagance during this “working from home” period, that he OBVIOUSLY had not given me a reciprocal gift.  But really, it would be more accurate to simply believe what he said as he is not in the habit of sugar coating ANYTHING.

I tried to avoid the topic of “the ring” the next day.  I was still upset but I actually missed the Precious and was ready to get home. I also wasn’t feeling well (ie. hungover).   On  the plane, we hit turbulence, and as usual, I got nauseous and weepy.  Then I just told him how truly upset I was and  he actually LISTENED.  As in his lips weren’t flapping back.  He apologized sincerely from his heart  and said he just didn’t want me to spend any money on him, and this time I believed him.

For Christmas, he’s getting a vacuum cleaner.

 

 

And then I told him I was always going to ask him for exactly what he wanted

ABC meme for fun

This is just for fun, I rarely have the time or interest to do them but I could use some lightness…..Thanks LB!

A. Age: 47 and I’ll deny it if you tell anybody

B. Bed size: King

C. Chore you dislike: Washing dishes.

D. Dogs: the fabulous Juno aka Junebug, Princess Juno, Juju

E. Essential start to your day: coffee.  I said COFFEE!!!! Peace and quiet (hah), laptop, daimoku!

F. Favorite color: don’t have just one anymore, but cranberry, grey, orange and purple are constants.

G. Gold or silver: Silver

H. Height: 5’7″ or 168 cm.

I. Instruments you play(ed): Piano, viola, trumpet (badly), guitar (badly) and I haven’t played any of them since I was in school.

J. Job title: Buddhist with an Edge, Unemployed actor, Notetaker

K. Kids: the Precious!

L. Live: Vancouver

M. Mom’s name: Ada

N. Nicknames: Raisin (only hubby uses this, he’s Peanut)

O. Overnight hospital stays: Two.  One for uterine embolization.  Oh, yeah, and the next night for when I got uterine embolization syndrome  – PAIN!

P. Pet peeves: People texting while they’re crossing the road.  And people crossing the road while dressed in black in the pouring rain at night expecting I can see them.
Q. Quote from a movie: Lord of the Rings: Two Towers: “How has it come to this?”

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time can not mend. Some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold.”

R. Righty or lefty: Righty.

S. Siblings: Older sister, younger sister.

T. Time you wake up: depends on you know who.  Usually 7am.

U. Underwear: bikini or whatever covers my ass the most.

V. Vegetables you don’t like: onions, green peppers.

W.What makes you run late: Dawdling, trying to fit in one more thing before I leave.

X. X-rays you’ve had: pelvis (naturally), back, elbow, foot, boobs.

Y. Yummy food you make: lamb roast, molten lava cakes, veggie curry.

Z. Zoo animal favorites: not particulary fond of zoos, but I saw an Australian sun bear once in San Diego.  That was cool.

Now it is YOUR turn…. let me know if you do this one & I’ll come visit!

You talking to me?

Oh, yeah, I busted in the front door yesterday.  Wha?  Wha?  Wha?  I was going to go to my friend’s place, just to get out of the damn house really, so I took the Precious and the dog for a short walk around the block.  Then I dragged the Bob up the stairs (as I do everyday) and proceeded to put my key in the door.  The deadlock turned but the doorknob did not.  That should have been my first clue.  I tried repeatedly to open the door, even pushing my shoulder into the door a couple of times.  Then I bumped the stroller back down the stairs, go round the back and go in the back door.  Of course, I know already that I locked the door to the basement (cause I do it every day after DH leaves for the day), but what the hell, maybe I was mistaken.  Turns out, I was not. So technically, I was back in the house, but my purse was still out of reach for me and there was no food downstairs.

So I go back out to the front again.  I call DH after I try once again to get in the front door.  The kid starts squawking from his stroller at the bottom of the stairs.  I go back down and bring him up.   That of course, means I have to go all the way downtown, pick him up and drive him back down again. I just want to get my purse so I can to my friend’s place.  So of course, I try one more time, pressing my shoulder into the door rather firmly. I did not, I repeat, did not take a run at it or anything. I just leaned.

Crack!  Ooops.  My text alert goes off, it’s DH. He says come get him, he’ll deal with it.  Too late.  The right side of the door frame is definitely split – not too bad, it’s not like it’s hanging off, and I try to explain this to DH, but it’s something that needs to be seen.  Wow, bad back or not, I’m stronger than I think.  My morning is now shot to hell, so I call my friend who starts to laugh, and then I go fetch DH.  He thought it was pretty funny too.  He just changed his clothes and actually nailed the frame back together.  Problem solved and the door closes just fine.

Don’t fuck with me house, I will break you.

Doing it like regular folk

The Precious made it through his shots like a champ.  Not something I was looking forward to, but he took it better than I thought.  He only cried (pitifully) for a few minutes and then it was over.  No side effects.  I asked the doc about his stinky stools, but she said unless he was throwing up, it was probably due to his diet.  So I adjusted appropriately and he’s back to being stinky but not runny.  Glad you asked, eh?

I had a taste of what most people have to deal with – that is, I had to work and cram in the rest of life around it.  I got a last minute request for notetaking and I couldn’t get a sitter so my dear MIL came in on an earlier ferry to accommodate my work schedule.  Did you know that it takes her about 3 hrs to get here?  She’s a dedicated grandma.   The night before of course, the little bugger had me up twice (he was starving apparently) and the following morning he decided to get up super early and NOT TAKE A NAP.  Which meant of course, I was trying to get all my preparations done with him trailing me around the house.  I think at one point where I was trying to make dinner (for everyone else) I thought briefly about sitting down and crying cause I was so effing tired, but I shook it off and thought he doesn’t want to sleep, he just wants you.  So sit down and just be with him. It’s amazing how he picks up my anxiety about trying to get everything done and get out the house. It’s like he knows I’ve got somewhere to go and does everything he can to stop me.

I’ve started implementing “quiet” time with him in his playpen having a snack and amusing himself.  Of course, it’s not always “quiet” but lucky for me, the vacuum cleaner is louder than he is.  As soon as I switch it off, he goes back to keening to be let out of baby jail.   By the time he fell asleep in his high chair after lunch, I had to wake him up so I could go pick up MIL at the bus station.  Then I went off to work, typed in the dark and tried not to fall asleep.  The next day, I was actually driving the clients around to respondents homes and then taking live notes there, not something I usually do, but I’m flexible.  Odd, at one point, I’m in my own neighbourhood having lunch with them, and I had the odd sensation that I should be home.  It was weird not pushing a stroller with a dog during the day.

Ah, finally to date night where DH and I attended a sushi making course at a local cook shop.  It was lots of fun and we had the opportunity to make our own sushi and eat it!  Really could have used a Red Bull to wash it down.  Of course, we’ll never actually do it so the offer for a discount at the cooking store on sushi making supplies was wasted on us. Washing rice in ice cold water.  Hmmmm.  I actually used to do that back in the day – when I had time.  Hahahahah.  I’m trying to improve my meal planning skills, and yes I have a crockpot – somewhere in the bowels of my cupboards.  Must get it out.

Dog tired, we come home and then I proceed to undo my hair because the next day I’m getting my hair did (cause I was starting to look like Medusa) and that means I have to take my hair out, wash it and  blow dry it at midnight.  The woman who does my hair (for less than a car payment)  is moving back to Toronto to work on a show and it is the only day I have free to get it done.  So I take MIL back to the  ferry terminal (1.5 hr total driving time) and several hours later, I return home with a sore head, a bag full of baby crack puffs from a local superstore,  and a hankering for a glass of wine.  Hubby shoots out the door to go hang with his stoner buddy for a couple of hours cause he’s been with the kid the whole day.  Really?  I wonder what that’s like.  Of course, he has woo’d me with my favourite Malaysian meal of black  cod with ginger sauce and rice and spring rolls.  Well, I guess we all have our vices. I can be placated with food so easily.

The kid is now back to eating but now he wants what we have on our plates, so we are playing switcheroo with his food (mmm, mashed carrots and peas,mmmmm) and using our utensils to feed him. Baby spoons are for 13 month olds, not 14 month olds apparently. Silly me.

I’m also back to auditioning – have one tomorrow – oh, man, come on, mojo, mama needs a gig.

PS.  I’m going to do something wonderful for my wonderful MIL!

Brokeback mummy

Well, this old bird is breaking down.  Couple weeks ago, I noticed a pain in my left hip (where I carry the Precious) and then two days later, after trying to pick up the doorstop which he had dropped into his toy basket, I had a lovely shooting pain and dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes.  Luckily, his room is carpeted and padded and he just thought we were playing.  I think I saw stars.  As I sobbed quietly for a few moments while I caught my breath, he decided I was fine and proceeded to crawl around while I contemplated my next move.  15 minutes later, I managed to get to the phone, make a chiropractor appointment, put him in the stroller, get the dog and go for a walk.  It wasn’t fun.

3 chiropractor appointments later, I am not better.  Then DH got sick, very sick – an event in itself as he rarely gets sick – he stayed home and I tried to take care of everything.  He was better the 2nd day, and was better able to assist me with the chattering monkey known as our kid, but he wants me back in tip top shape and not going to the chiropractor  indefinitely. I’m pretty darn sure I’ve got some form of sciatica.  I continue to get shooting pains down my leg particularly when I sit or make sudden movements.  And since I type for hours or have to lift the kid up or have to drive or well…. move around, I’m kinda hooped.  And being 20 lbs overweight doesn’t help things of course.

Sigh.  I think it goes without saying that I quit going to Weight Watchers.  We went away and then I worked the next 2 Monday nights and then stress and misery sent me to the snack cupboard.  Not anyone’s fault but my own.  Tired, uncomfortable and completely unmotivated, I’ve managed to sabotage 16 weeks of counting points.  I’d lose a couple pounds, gain one back, lose a couple more, gain a couple more.  It was getting ridiculous.  I don’t have the time OR the energy at the moment.

I have always enjoyed feeling relatively healthy and at the moment, I feel quite fragile.  This is the girl who did bootcamp, spin classes, lifted furniture for crying out loud with nary a thought that I could NOT do it.  Right now the only thing I feel I can do is eat a DQ Blizzard.

The only good thing about all of this is the DH was sick and stayed home and actually saw all the things I do before he walks through the door.  He admitted how frustrated he was at work with some things, how he’s feeling a bit trapped and stretched thin.  Knowing that he has to just hang out and wait for a while.  And of course, we have to movie in a few months.  Seriously?  I wonder what that’s like.

So I’ve got some plans to make to get my butt back in shape.  Literally.

The Coziest Place on Earth

Sorry it’s been so long but it’s been crazy and I’ve been too darn tired and worn out to write.  Let’s start with my visit to San Francisco.  Loved it!  Well, I didn’t see that much of it, but what I saw I liked.  I shopped a bit when the Precious allowed me to.  And no, I’m not kidding.  I don’t think we’ll be accompanying Daddy on any more business trips.  He was completely undone by his strange surroundings and we couldn’t get a moment’s peace with the toddler who demanded to be walked and entertained EVERY WAKING second.  And when he slept, he emitted a strange roaring/creaking door sound that kept waking us up throughout the night.   We lived in fear of the crisp sheets rustling when we turned over would wake him up.  And when he was awake there was lots of shrieking, food throwing and door banging.  Oi!

As you know, I met up with Luna, her hubby and her fabulous little girl, J.  We have both come so far.  2 years ago, we sat and chatted about dogs, adoption, life and blogging.  This time we sat in the world’s most coziest home, had velvety butternut squash soup and frittata (and wine for me – yay!) and talked.  Outside  thunder rumbled and lightning flashed and the rain pelted the windows.  The children actually napped.  And when they woke up, our kids played together.

Our kids played together.  That phrase means so much to me.  My little guy reached out and held her little girl’s hand.  He adored Luna and gave her a hug.  A connection over the internet, shared grief, shared yearnings, shared journeys, shared growth… and here we were with our heart’s desires at long last.   It was what the Buddhists call a “myo ho” moment.  I did get a little misty.

The men talked as we fed the kids.  It was great that they had so much to say to one another.  The Precious observed his older playmate eating with her hands and that was that.  He decided that that was the way to go from now on.  We had to leave way too soon but we had a long drive back and we still had to pick up a few things before we returned to the hotel room.  Hubby had a convention to attend the next morning and we were trying to keep the Precious as close to his schedule as possible.

I have to admit, I had been feeling very worn out and frayed.  With all the stuff that was going on with my mum, the “wonder” weeks of my son, I just wanted to be with someone that I didn’t have to explain anything to.   I wanted her to meet my son,  to lay eyes on her little J.  (ohmigosh, the sweetest cutie pie ever – had hubby wrapped around her finger in no time!)  Her victory was my victory.  I wanted her to know just how happy I was for her.   I left there feeling calmed,  nurtured and listened to.  She fed me, wined me and sent me on my way with gifts.

We had so much more to blab about, but it will have to wait for another time.  Thanks for being there for us, Luna.

 

PS.  I almost forgot the best part – she made LEMON SQUARES!  I DID THE HAPPY DANCE!  Delicious!!!!