I’ve been very preoccupied lately with the finances of my mother. You know how efficient I am with paperwork and all that. Not. Anyway, finally did a budget of a sort and it’s apparent that she’s going to run out of my money in a few years if I don’t make some hard decisions. The present agency charges at least a couple thousand every month or so and I have to find a cheaper alternative. Or cut back on the hours. I hate to affect her present companion’s employment as she is very good but I hate the fact that mum is running out of money more. Also I have to find the time to get someone to clean out her storage locker and physically move stuff into a smaller one. We went in a few years ago and labelled the keep, donate and throw away items, but have not returned (it’s way out of the way) to actually clear it out. It will be more efficient to hire one of those come pick up my crap trucks. Then her storage bill should be cut in half.
Also, I told mum’s hairdresser that I don’t want her hair relaxed or coloured any more. Number one reason is that it’s extremely difficult for me to bring her out for appointments. Mum can barely walk and I’m practically carrying her. She does have a wheelchair but that does not make things any easier as the salon is tiny and frankly I don’t have the time anymore. I’d rather spend the time visiting with her. On the weekend, I doublebooked myself with her hair appointment and my BF’s daughter’s 2nd birthday party. So while hubby and the Precious took the bus, I drove downtown and picked up mum and took her to get her hair cleaned up. It’s been a mess. Yes, they wash it at the home, but for some reason this year, it is continually matted, left for days and it looks terrible. Yes, I’ve bought appropriate hair care items, but they always seem to get lost and short of me going there and doing it myself, it’s not getting done properly. They don’t have anyone there who knows how to take care of African Canadian hair apparently and I’m sick of explaining it. My mother (like her daughter) has always been vain about her hair and I know it’s important to her. When we arrived, I opened the door and she was kind of half leaning on me and I was focussing in on trying to get her over the threshold and I didn’t notice her pants had dropped to her ankles. Lovely, eh? A lady getting her hair done jumped up and pointed it out to me and she held onto the door and my purse so I could pick up her pants, and finally get her inside to a chair. I actually told her that I was fine, that I didn’t help, can you believe it? By the time, she was all finished, I was trying to get her coat back on and it wasn’t going well. Kinda like trying to get a toddler dressed. Mum’s face all screwed up and she said, “Don’t boss me!” She was right. I apologized sincerely and said, “Never mind, mum, it’s not that cold out anyway” and eventually we made it into the car. I dropped her off hurriedly back on the first floor and by the time I got to the birthday party, I was wound up feeling guilty for “dumping” my mother off and not arriving with my family to the party earlier. Now, it didn’t really matter to anyone, my kid barely noticed me as he careened around after a 4 year old girl in a bouncy castle, hubby was enjoying talking to his friends and my mum, well, she’s demented, so I doubt she’ll hold it against me. But this is what I do and I just stress myself out not asking for help. Of course, it is problematic when there is no other family member to help mum out.
I knew this would happen one day, but I’m running out of steam trying TO DO IT ALL BY MYSELF at the expense of myself. My Precious is teething and tantruming up a storm. My back is aching. What happens is that I rush around like a chicken with its heads cut off and I blabber and complain to anyone in earshot.
Kinda like my own mother did. Yep. Good grief.
Gratitude. My mother is still with me, I have an amazing child, my hubby still loves me and I have some amazing friends. And I don’t have to do it all by myself.