Tag Archive | infertility

Cha cha cha changes

The purpose of blogging is to inform, to share, to diary the events of one’s life on whatever path you’re on.  I chose a psuedynom because I wanted the freedom of anonymity yet I also shared pictures from my real life that could identify where I was or who I was.  And I even shared a pic of hubby (from a distance) but if you’ve ever seen him, you’d know who it was.  He’d be pissed at me I’m sure (if he knew). He’s way more private than I am.   So much for anonymity.  Well, I am an actress so being shy isn’t one of my traits.  Lucky for me, I don’t do a lot of things that would land me in trouble morally speaking.  Except for blabbing too much.  Yeah, there’s that.  A couple of you have figured out exactly who I am (and a couple of you lurkers already knew) and the peeps I hang with, but because I am now about to involve someone else in my life, it’s been pointed out to me that I should be more discreet.  Luckily, I don’t have a huge readership and that’s fine by me.  I didn’t blog because I wanted to entertain and be popular.  Sadly, my life isn’t that interesting and my days of craving fame are over. 

Which brings me to the primary reason for switching blog servers.  I’d like to continue to log my journey through the tumbleweeds of infertility to parenthood as a letter to myself and to my child to be.  This is more than just my story.  I am also a writer, not a great one, not the kind who writes books or anything, but as a creative individual trying to keep her grip on her sanity.  Cheaper than talk therapy and I can do it in my pyjamas.  In this world, where we are all busy trying to keep our heads above water, to be heard and understood is life a rope thrown to a drowning woman.  So I write and I share the stuff that matters to me.  If I am going to write about that I can’t give a flying fig what someone else might think about it.  It doesn’t have to be your truth, but it does have to be mine. 

The one huge objection I’ve had about adoption is that it’s not a private matter anymore.  It’s a triad relationship.  Adoptive parents, birthparents and the child.  Now when I started this whole trying to have a baby thing, I didn’t think that was anybody’s business but mine and my husband’s.  WRONG!  Eventually, it became a whole team of people’s business.  Not that it helped us.  As much as I’d love to have a whole do-over of the whole mess, I can’t.  That’s life.  My life went a direction that I had never dreamed of, and yes, if I get started on it, I still have a whole lot more to say on the subject.  But that would be repeating myself.  Which my husband likes to tell me how much that drives him crazy.  That’s too bad.  I’m of West Indian descent and our people repeat themselves.  Anyway, adoption is supposed to cure childlessness.  So that’s the path we’re on.  It’s taken a whole lot longer than I had imagined, but once again, that’s life.  Good news, is that is shouldn’t last much longer.  It pays to hang in there five more minutes. 

We found a birthmother/expectant mother and I’d like that to have the happy ending that I’ve been seeking for so long.  I can’t control what happens between now and then though.  I’ve never been down this path before, though there are many who have.  Sound familiar?  So anything particularly private that I feel like sharing, I’ll just password protect that post and each of you will have to ask me for the password, okay?  If you’re a lurker and you really, really want to know, then you got to fess up or call me.  🙂