Tag Archive | marriage

Appreciation

DH is finally back home – well, I did see him last week so we weren’t apart too long.  Of course, as soon as I got back, I realized all the things I didn’t have time to do were still waiting to be done!  I need a pair of glasses, contacts (I went to Costco in August and got fitted a sample pair and STILL HAVEN’T GONE BACK), my eyebrows are a mess and my snatch still needs to be snitched.  I’ve got immigration papers somewhere around here that need filling out.  My feet lost the war between my flip flops and the New York streets.  But the memory of having dinner in a backyard patio and the lights dimming for the start of a Broadway play still carry me…..

When DH goes away for an extended period, I never really mind that much.  It’s like a vacation for me in a way.  Yes, I miss him, but I also get to enjoy peace and quiet, I don’t cook (I subsist on soup and popcorn) and I walk the dog a lot in woodsy trails and catch up with friends. It’s like being single without actually being single.  The remote control is all mine and I don’t have to hear the noise of UFC and Shark Attack in the background.  I don’t have anyone asking if I have done this or taken care of that 5 minutes before I get around to doing it.  I don’t shave my legs as often and I can fart without acknowledging it. I suspect he feels somewhat the same when I’m away.  Nobody nagging him for drinking right out of the milk carton, and to take the garbage out and close the door when he’s in the bathroom.

Couple weeks ago, he told me he had a dream where I had left him.  It’s rare that he even remembers his dreams, rarer still that he gets upset by them.  Of course, in my snarky way, I told him I just might yet.  Not nice of me.  I rarely think of him as someone who needs reassurance. Me, of course, that’s another matter.  After all, I tend to carry my hurts with me for years.  But him?  His ego never seems to be in disrepair.   I do admit that infertility, depression, weight gain and my erstwhile career (as I watch other friends on American TV) has managed to effectively curtail my confidence.  I do have some control over some of  those issues.  I rarely think of DH as needing any reassurance.  I should know better after all these years with him.

I forget that he needs me to acknowledge him, reassure him that I still love him, still want to be with him.  That all his efforts to deliver a child into our lives have been appreciated.  Perhaps he was thinking that  he wasn’t enough.  I can certainly understand that.

Dollars and divorce stats

Well, the painful part of it is over for dear hubby, the money part of course.  He hasn’t been sleeping well and he’s showing signs of stress ie. a cold sore.  He has me on a standing order to chant for his company stock to go up.  He is actually keeping a running tab on our family creating endeavours. Oh, man!  Not a good idea.  But this is what he does.  And by the way, we just reviewed the mountain of bureaucracy  and $$$ that faces us still.  I may have drive to the border, catch a plane, spend an extended time in the States and then fly back to said border and drive across.  On second thought, I need to get another job.

I have suggested productive ways to manage his stress.  Yoga and chanting do not appeal to him.  So sad.  I’m finding my hot yoga to be a huge stress reliever.  I have missed a couple of sessions though.  I’ve been busy attending to a friend who’s husband asked her for a divorce a few days ago.  After 16 years of marriage.  You know, this just happened to another friend of mine earlier this year.  I could identify with what she’s going through somewhat.  She’s in shock and wondering how she could just undo what she heard.  Yeaaah…. had that feeling before a couple years ago.  I just advised her to do absolutely nothing for a couple of weeks, make no major decisions as she can’t even begin to process the news.  I know that desperate feeling when your world has been spun off its axis and the one person you thought you could rely on, has found you lacking.

I’ve only heard one side of things, of course, and given that I know both people, it’s not  unbelievable, but still  – divorce sucks.    I was given a chance to address issues in our marriage, but she didn’t have that opportunity and I fear that it’s too late for them to recover what they once shared.  That is just plain sad.  I am really, really worried about her.

Last night, I got another email from one of my husband’s friend’s announcing her divorce.  Sigh. This time there is a child involved.   Yeah, I don’t know about you but I’m hoping that wind doesn’t blow my way.

More yoga please.