Tag Archive | motherhood

Reality check

Thanks for the breaking of leg wishes – I did okay at the audition – I think I could really benefit from some classes though.  Most actors go to regular classes every week to keep fine tuned and on their game and of course, I haven’t done that in about a year.  So I feel a bit rusty. Interesting, there was a man there who brought his little girl  (toddler age) with him.  Another actor(female)  watched her when he went in to audition.

I wanted to go shopping (for no particular reason other than to be alone ) after, but since dinner was going to be an issue, I ended up aimlessly cruising the grocery store and then picking up West Indian takeout for dinner.  Whenever I audition on the North Shore, I usually go to Starbucks or cruise the local grocery store just to distract myself from the self-criticism I put myself through after an audition.  And then I chanted in the car and gave myself a pep talk.  By the time I made my way through the traffic on the bridge, it was 2 hours later and hubby wants to know what took me so long. I’ll tell you what I was doing – enjoying being alone.  Until I held the wee man again and I went turned into mush when he smiled at me.

I told hubby he needs to have a father/son day. Like an 8 hour day.   I will gladly take JuJu and hang out with her (as long as it isn’t pouring).   I also wouldn’t mind attempting to get my tax preparations in order.  Eeks, did I just say that?  I’m thinking that I may have to leave the house in order to just start that.

I enjoyed an afternoon with Special K at a friend’s play reading.  I got us out early for our dog walk, got him bathed and fed and while he was napping got dressed up a bit.  Meaning out of my ever-present yoga pants.  I was ready for the 35 minute power walk up to the arts centre, but then he woke up wanting to be fed and there went that time.  We ended up driving there (endless stream of quarters in the metre) and then they started late.  Of course.  But it was WONDERFUL and I really enjoyed it.  Wee man cooperated by sleeping through an hour of it and respectfully took it all in when he was awake.  I couldn’t hang around to discuss it, but we caught up later on the phone.

I learned that if I am going to have a creative life, I’m going to have to have some form of child care because it’s next to impossible to concentrate on anything when your child wants and needs you.  Either that or you drink a lot of Red Bull and stay up all night.  More and more, I am growing amazed at my mum who had 3 daughters and actually WORKED OUTSIDE THE HOME and did ALL the housework ALL the time.  UNMEDICATED!!!

Mind you, she did have a couple of nervous breakdowns.

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Tired, happy, annoyed

I’ve been a titch miserable with work on my mind (I stupidly took on more work from home and now I’m freaked out and tired) and trying to be super mom at the same time.   Note to self:  time to start saying no again.   I can’t continue to DO EVERYTHING as if nothing has changed in my life.  I just want to enjoy this holiday season with my new son.

I always get stressed at Christmas time; it’s usually filled with frantic gift buying, parking woes and reminders of my fractured family. I’ve yet to tell my eldest sister of our news.  What has helped is having an open house to welcome Special K to our community.  This weekend my friend and I took our babies to a Buddhist meeting and we were presented with a beautifully crafted cake welcoming them to the SGI family.  I was so touched, I cried.  I let them know how much their prayers and support over the years had meant to me.  The following day, more  friends came over to take a peek at the little guy.  The guys had some beers and the women had some wine.  One highlight was seeing my husband’s friend and their son they had adopted from Ethiopia  earlier this year.  I saw him and tears sprang to my eyes.  Gorgeous, simply gorgeous and running around checking out everything.  They had gone through a 2 year saga to bring him home.  Frig, if people only knew what some people are willing to go through to bring home a child!

I saw no need for a shower per se as we have so much already but I wanted everyone who cared about us to enjoy this time with us. Of course, we did get a few more gifts and more importantly, wine for me!  It was awesome because I didn’t have to endure stupid baby shower games and tales of labour and delivery.  How refreshing!

One thing I’ve noticed since I’m now toting a baby around is people’s reaction.  Of course, there are a number of people (our neighbours for instance) who had no idea we were adopting and are scratching their heads cause 1) they can’t recall seeing me pregnant and 2) Special K is a lot darker than my husband.  I don’t want to preface my introduction of my son with “adopted” every single time because of course that leads to a lot more questions that I don’t care to answer from casual acquaintances.  I just smile and accept the compliments on my figure.

Having a newborn child invites a great deal of scrutiny and comment, particularly from women.  I’m sure pregnant women have already experienced this phenomenon when strangers start grabbing their bellies and inquiring about birth plans and such.  Having missed that stage myself, I am now getting all sorts of unsolicited advice and information.  Mothers of all ages are the worse offenders.  If they know me, they assume my inexperience and ignorance is ongoing and they have to tell me what I simply MUST do.  Now since most of my friends have kids, they must have viewed my childless lifestyle as one of jetsetting and debauchery.  Which is true.  But I’m a woman of a certain age and I actually also know how to read a book and all infertiles have a degree from the University of Google.  Most of it is innocent, you know how women talk, but other times it’s disconcerting. If I want to know something, I’ll ASK, so shut up already.

A woman at my husband’s office, was kind enough to give us a gift of a beautiful quilt.  I’ve only met her once, but whatever.  Inside the chicken soup for mothers book she gave me (uhh, maybe one day I’ll read it) was a heartfelt note  followed by another one proffering advice about adoptive breastfeeding.  HUH?????   I met her once, people.  Once.  Ugh.