It occurs to me as I take care of Precious and Miss JuJu during the day that I’m getting a little annoyed at the presumption that nothing else has to change around here i.e. the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking, the grocery shopping, errand running, the dog walking, just cause I have a baby. Heaven forbid. It’s all just a matter of time management. If I don’t blog, read, eat, or sit down, chant, sleep, comb my hair, take a crap, make a phone call, I too can get everything done. Just strap the baby in the carrier and away I go. Those 3am feedings? EASY. According to DH. Grrrr. Oh, don’t worry, he’s cleaning floors and doing laundry and washing dishes too. (He’s so much better at it than I am.)
We had my mother over on her usual night and hubby had come home from work late and had to take the dog for her usual 5k walk. I had picked mum up (with baby in car seat), which by the way is never as easy as one would think, as she lives on a locked floor and once you get up there, you have to locate her, get her shoes on, coat on, sign her out, and THEN find someone to let you OFF the floor, got her home, made chicken casserole (FROM SCRATCH), fed her, and was feeding the baby by the time he came home. Lucky for me, she could hold the hungry baby (albeit briefly) while I cooked the chicken. Was that the same night I took her home and then went to the grocery store and then brought Dairy Queen home cause DH put a coupon in my purse? Oh, no, sorry, that was another night. One of the other nights where I put in another load of laundry in before I collapse into bed just to get up 45 minutes later cause the Precious is awake again. (FYI – High efficiency washers are great for your hydro bill but one load takes about 90 min. so you could end up doing laundry ALL DAY.) By Friday, I’m a little worn. DH comes to the rescue and does the after midnight feedings. You know, the aforementioned EASY ones.
For just a little while, I just wanted to take care of the Precious and do nothing else. Hahahaha. That must have been my mommy tiara talking. Please excuse me. I bow to my mother and all the mothers who never heard of diaper wipe warmers.
I made the decision to not work p/t this month because I recognized how tired and stressed I was getting and now 2 months later, I’m irritated. Irritated that I will have to go back to work next month. Irritated that neither DH or I have parental leave. I’ve rattled my acting agent’s cage, but the Olympics are days away here so NOTHING is going to happen next month. Cause the adoption bills keep rolling in.
I think we both want this to be over and DH would like to close ranks (he was never a fan of open adoption). I’m not sure how to navigate this period in our lives when we are not quite done with the adoption process. I feel like I’m in charge of everyone’s emotional well-being and it’s a bit overwhelming. How on earth do women with aging parents and f/t jobs and other responsibilities handle all of this? Yikes!