I went to Sears yesterday to buy a baby bouncer for my friend. I chose the simple, classy looking one that will probably fit their decor. I know, I know, kids like bright colours, it’s the adults that want chic looking things but there were only a few to choose from. And of course, other models you had to order and you know how good I am at planning things. I thought it would be nice for her to have the baby in front of her while she chants. I know she won’t be able to use it very long but her baby is quite small and I think it will be useful. I went online and checked out all the different kinds of bouncers and then got sucked into the swirling vortex of baby bouncers and swings. This one plays 3 different kinds of music, this one vibrates, this one rocks, this one doesn’t do anything but it looks chic and sleek. Oh my goodness!
Hubby seems to like looking up best models of this and that and looking for reviews. Get this. He likes the Stokke baby stroller. Loves it! I’ve seen a few around these parts, and they are very cool and hip looking. They are also $1500. Yep. Not to mention all the accessories like FOOTMUFFS and SLEEPING BAGS you pay extra for. It’s crazy! And then there’s the chariot stroller for trail walking which we do a lot of. Several hundred. I had no idea of course, but when I went to the cool baby store on cool street to buy something for my friend, I almost passed out at the prices of the strollers and cribs and accessories. You see, I’ve spent years avoiding these stores, so I had no idea of what was in them. I used to walk by looking in the other direction. People, besides holding a child – does it also make cappuccinos?!
Clearly, I am a newbie. I didn’t even know until last week that there was such a thing as a diaper wipe WARMER! Yup. I am meeting a friend at the end of the week with the list of baby stuff I wrote down last night. She wanted to meet at Toys R’Us, but I had to let her know that was not going to happen. She is dying to give me her old crib, a stroller and introduce me to Craig’s List. She really is trying to help me prepare. I have such generous friends and they all want to give me baby stuff but I’ve tried to explain to them to hold onto it until I actually get back home. Okay, I admit it, I want a new crib – I want to pick the colour (black), I want to pull it out the box and put it together with DH. I guess it’s the experience I crave. It’s funny how pictures of things get stuck in your mind. I always pictured what the nursery of my dreams would look like. The chair, the matching furniture, the stuffed animals. Hubby is determined to buy the fanciest, coolest, gadget like thing ever. Once he saw the demo of the Stokke, he was hooked. It flips, it rotates, it swivels, it converts. Oh, boy, a new toy. We can’t keep up with the Joneses, I hate that sort of thing.
I have a bought a blanket and a onesie, a book, and a pack of baby spoons. Crazy, huh? The spoons were on sale at Shoppers Drug Mart. I have no idea why I bought them. Once I started looking at the other items in the baby aisle, I started to get overwhelmed so I just grabbed the spoons before I changed my mind. It doesn’t make any sense. But there you have it. Now I have this list and all I want to do is go to Sears and have someone get the stuff for me cause I’m afraid I will pass out. I know what it is. I’m scared. It’s like I have to convince myself that my dream will come true this time. If I buy a pack of spoons, it’s okay cause it’s just a tiny thing, no one will notice what I’m doing and say hey, who do think you are – a mother? I can hide a pack of spoons or a blanket in a drawer. I can pretend it’s for someone else – cause all these years, that’s what it has been. Right from the beginning I would buy something small and tuck it away and say to myself, this is for MY baby. And then I would have to give it away. On the same weekend I started this blog, I bought an unframed picture for my adopted child. I displayed it in the 2nd bedroom, showed the social workers and my family. It was a promise to myself that I would hang it up on the day he/she came home with me.
So here’s my challenge to myself. I’m going to go with my friend (or myself) and get some baby stuff. I will commit, I will believe that these things are for my child. My own child. I deserve to enjoy this.
A Woman My Age 