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Microblog Mondays – I’d rather be at work

There are quite a few things I should be doing right now and I have elected to do none of them.  I’m scheduled to work 6 days a week in the theatre but had a day off on the weekend as other scenes were being worked on.  It’s kind of a sweet deal for me, I’m in 4 short scenes and only with one other person who is the lead.  Of course that day off ended up being busier than if I had gone to the theatre.  Next week is hubby has work scheduled so I arranged an interview with a sitter , walked the dog with the family while working on my lines, did notetaking for a friend’s theatre company, cleaned the house (I always worry my house smells like dog to other people), then jetted off downtown to do notes, jetted back to meet sitter in my candle scented, vacuumed house, then took off for a play reading that my acting teacher was in.  Then last night I realize I could squeeze in another gig notetaking but the sitter is not available (hence now I need another backup sitter).

I have noticed that since gaining f/t (albeit temporary) employment that most of the household chores and appointment making still fall to me.   Hubby actually had the nerve to get short tempered  and griped to me about not doing more of his homework with our son.  Oh, yes, he did.   So I told him that he had better find a way to get some more sleep and not lose his temper so easily and I walked away, refusing to get engaged with the bullshit.  I had had a perfectly marvelous week and wasn’t about to let him get me down.    This after one week of being at home with our son (though the kid is in school) and not having work scheduled.  And not sleeping well. Frankly, he hasn’t slept well in several months.    I  dreamt that I left him and found a great new apartment.  Sigh. I honestly knew that my husband would not do well with self employment in an industry that constantly changes schedules and you have to work when you get it and you’re constantly waiting for cheques to arrive.  I get it.  I’ve done it most of my life.   You  don’t get a cheque every 2 weeks, it’s not 9-5pm, you don’t get two weeks off with pay and  you can’t piss people off or you end up losing contracts.  He hasn’t had a vacation in 3 years, he’s constantly stressed about money and for good reason, but honestly I get tired of his inability to deal with the stress.  Of course the next day he apologized to our son and spoiled him all day.  He makes dinner and is nice to me.  So I suppose that was an apology.

So this is what women who work outside of the home f/t go through.

 

Microblog Mondays – Starving artist

Not sure why it took 6 weeks to lose almost 5 lbs and 1 week to gain a pound.  Oh, yeah, I know the program works if you work the program and yes I’ve been cheating here and there so I deserve the gain.  Sigh.  I’m starving.  I can only work out one day a week as my rehearsals are all day and by the time I get home (after stopping for groceries, etc), I’m done.   I had a Haagen Dazs bar one night when a friend came over – and you know what, I wasn’t hungry anymore.  Full fat actually satiates.

Good news is that I’ve started rehearsals for a play which will be premiering mid March.  So happy!!!!  And it’s a real actual theatre job for which I get paid!!!    It will require major juggling between me and hubby’s chaotic schedule and I still haven’t got a sitter yet. Also, the dog had dental surgery, she’s fine now, she’s just eating soft kibble and wet dog food.    And my mother’s estate is almost settled.

 

Hungry

I’ve been pretty busy lately.  Joined Weight Watchers again.  Somewhat reluctantly because I knew I would have to start counting points and counting how many raw almonds I could eat.  Frankly, though, wishing things were different is not as useful as actually having a plan and following through with it.  So I do it while hubby is away for work, so I can get going without having to worry about what he wants for dinner.  Going back to spin class helped and I took up snowshoeing.  After 20 years in this province, I finally picked up a winter sport.  It’s something I can take the dog along (though she hates the sight of people moving on skiis and snowboards) and if I hustle I can get to the mountain and back before school is out.   I am slowlllly losing weight. So good for me.  When I ran out of points, I went to bed.  Seriously.  I don’t eat in bed normally, so I figured if I just retired to the bedroom, I’d be safe.  And then I started to stash some candy in my bedside table.   At first I could count out how many caramels I could eat safely and then I started to get pissed off/stressed/bored/lonely and ate more.  Ah, the sugar monkey on my back has returned.  Then I went sledding with my son which was a lot of fun but by nightfall, my back started to hurt.  A lot.  I still went to spin the next morning but walking the dog later was agony.  Back to the chiro and no more spin for the rest of the week.  Spinitis.  Discs in the lower back rubbing together created pain and inflammation.  After two adjustments, I am much better.  My energy has returned.   My girlfriend and I are going to dinner with the kids tonight. I gotta change my weigh in dates from Tuesday to Friday so I can at least drink on the weekend and get back on point (no pun intended) during the week.  I am not good at planning meals and I really dislike buying frozen food but there is such relief when I know that turkey/mashed potatoes tray is only 5 points.  I’ve got to get better at it.  And this is why I hate dieting, it’s a fucking full time job  trying to distract yourself from hunger, cravings and trying to trick yourself into calling carrots and cauliflower and frozen grapes, snacks. I make one thing for the kid,  eat small portion of whatever I make for hubby and me.  I came home looking for turkey leftovers for lunch one day only to discover hubby hadn’t left any from the night before and went into a blind rage cause now I only had leftover mashed cauliflower and mashed potatoes and …..now I know why J.enny Craig is so popular.

All this suffering for a .9 lb loss in a week.  Say a prayer for me, please.

 

A deep freeze

I wrote a half a post about a week ago concerning a friend of mine who is going through a marital breakdown – I hit a wrong button and it all evaporated.  I was so pissed off, I couldn’t retrieve it, but whatever.  These people are so close to me and its one of those couples that I know many people held up as an example.  I feel just so bad for them, there’s so much pain.   It was causing me to reflect on my own marriage, and not in a good way, if you know what I mean.  It makes me think what would I do?   I’ve heard more than a few times from female friends, that the husband just upped and left after the kids grew up or they found someone else, a younger and prettier version.  I remember wanting my parents marriage to be over when I was 11 years old because I just couldn’t take the violence, the disrespect, the humiliation anymore and yet ultimately my mother went back to my father because she just couldn’t make it on her own.  Despite the fact that he tried to choke the life out of her in front of a crowd.  For my dad’s part, it was his ego that was wounded, he never wanted her and the ensuing years was just a facade.  It changed how I viewed myself, the opposite sex and my ability to deal with conflict.  It made me question the whole point of marriage to begin with.

I have to talk to both people, but it’s just plain awkward.  I am trying to be supportive and reassuring  while remaining neutral but of course, I have my opinions.   I have to be careful with what I say cause I don’t want to get into any trouble.  I guess I can’t ask the husband for  marriage advice anymore.  Huh.

The weather here has been unseasonably cold; it has already snowed a few times and mild chaos ensued.  I was brought up out East, so I don’t find it that bad, but Vancouver is ill prepared for snow, even when it’s forecasted.  Sigh.  We’ve been having a shortage of salt and a lot of neighbourhood side streets are like ice rinks.  So the city decided to “help” and put free salt/sand at some fire stations.  There was a mob scene at one of them.  Over salt.  Sigh.  Someone even posted a bag of salt for $80 on Craig’s List.  Both hubby and I took over shovelling snow for our elderly neighbours and I was rewarded with a beautiful “quillow” for Christmas (from the friendly one). I’d never heard of one, but it’s  quilt that has a pouch you can put your feet into and you can fold it up into a pillow using the same pouch.  It really came in handy cause I got the flu over Christmas.  First hubby got it, but he recovered in 2 days and then I woke up with it Christmas morning.  Yay, a gift I can’t return.  So much for the serious drinking I had in mind.   Oh yeah, and hubby took his brother to the emergency room 3 times due to gall bladder pain.  It was a Christmas for the books.  We came home early from our in-laws and I spent the next 4 days in bed.  In isolation.  Well, actually I dragged myself out of bed to do a roundtable taping with fellow African Canadian actors and then back to bed.  I’m good now except for a residual phlegmy cough.

 

Microblog Mondays – More gigs!

I am so freaking tickled pink that I am a working actress! I had honestly forgotten what it felt like.  And to get to work with Donald Sutherland – OMG!  He is so gracious and charming!  I really had to work hard to just concentrate on my work instead of acting like an idiot around him.  I mean, he’s a Canadian icon!  I honestly haven’t met that many well known actors that I am genuinely moved to act like a moron around because I am so impressed by their talent.  I am really grateful to be able to work with him even in such a small capacity.

And to boot, I had another audition, this time a theatre one, then a callback the next day – and guess what!  I got it!!!  So next spring I will be on stage. I will fill you in when it gets closer to the time!  This is so awesome.

 

 

Let the good times roll

I landed 2 gigs!  And one of them is a recurring part (at least 2 episodes I think) and I get to play an African nun!  Yay!  So of course, I now have a f****ing cough again and I’m on set next week.  What is it with me and working on set with an uncontrollable cough?!!!  This is like the 3rd time this has happened to me.

The in laws are arriving tomorrow, it’s Boo’s birthday weekend and I’ve got to work on my accent. And my shoot days just happen to be on the days I booked notetaking work (that’s never happened before).  I called my client and explained I couldn’t work for her, but I’ve been unable to find a suitable replacement for her.  She was really happy for me, but I feel terrible about leaving her in the lurch.

I am so freaking grateful!  Eeks, I haven’t worked in so long, I’m nervous!!

Microblog Mondays – Contagion

It’s been quite the week, hasn’t it?  I was at a farewell party for some Buddhist friends of mine who are moving to Whitehorse, NWT.  I had to race back home, open a bottle of wine and watch the US election results.  Trump became the next president – WTF America?.  I’ve had to unfriend someone on my Facebook who kept leaving rabid anti-Hillary/conspiracy rants on my feed after I would repost certain articles.  I get it, not everybody has to agree with me, that’s fine, but I was beginning to feel reluctant to repost articles because I was afraid I was going to have to deal with the above mentioned vitriol from that person.  This person was also a fellow Buddhist though he wasn’t a personal friend.  Yep, surprise.   So bye bye, if you refuse to leave your muddy shoes at the door, you can’t come in my house.  I don’t need to be aggravated and engage in mudslinging over people I can’t even VOTE FOR.  Frankly, I rarely take a political stance on Facebook and I usually just repost certain videos that reflect my personal views.  I use it primarily just to keep in touch with acting colleagues and friends.  And watch funny animal videos – that’s crucial.  I would prefer to have serious social discourse in person as oppose to online, but you know, that’s how things are these days.

I’ve been at the hospital 3 times in a week visiting my acting teacher (transplanted American) who was beside herself after the election results. I’ve been reading how even here, children are being racially harassed at school and then yesterday I read this article in the neighbourhood newspaper. Not like this shit doesn’t exist here, but it all happened within 5 days after the election.  As if certain people felt like they have a certain social approval and impunity to unload their racist shit on people.

I also found out that the one last thing I need from the government in order to conclude my job as the administrator of my mum’s estate – despite them having my request for over 20 weeks, they have done NOTHING  on the file.  NOTHING.  After finally reaching a human being, she starts to tell me how understaffed they are and blah, blah, blah.  Bureaucracy.  Surely, if I owed the government anything, they come at you with hammer and tongs.  This  I know from experience and yet when they can’t do their job in a timely fashion, too bad for you.

Then this morning, I found out I didn’t get a position in a theatre workshop that would have been creatively invigorating (not to mention a steady income) after a dismal year in TV and film.

Things are getting a lot more stressful at home.  The dog needs expensive dental surgery, Boo’s birthday is coming up, Christmas season is upon us and my hair looks like shit.  (Feel my black woman blues.)  Seems disappointment and despair is in the air.  It’s contagious.  I’ve been chanting more these days in order to keep my spirits afloat.  I’m trying my best to encourage people when even in my heart, the tendrils of panic are stirring.  I’m in the midst of trying to make some major changes in my life, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  I’m already feeling the need to blunt the edges with another glass of wine.  Looking for a soft place to land and people are leaning on me.  How do expand my heart, how do I expand my life?

There will be times in life when you cannot succeed. Or times when hardship seems about to crush you. Such times are inevitable, yet we should not allow our spirits to be broken by them. D. Ikeda