Well, the long Easter weekend is over. I hope you had a nice Easter, though I always wonder if that’s an appropriate adjective – “nice”. Last week during a Buddhist planning meeting, I tried to explain what Easter was all about and what did it have to do with chocolate eggs to a couple of Japanese members. I tried to explain that it’s actually a very important Christian holy day and it involved crucifixion and resurrection and that the eggs were really a pagan thing that was thrown in there. They looked rather confused and horrified with the crucifixion part and stigmata didn’t really seem to go with eating chocolate and wearing pastel colours. Well, it doesn’t, but western capitalism can provide a silver lining for everything. I probably could have explained it better and in more detail but it was a BUDDHIST planning meeting and we had things to plan. It really got me thinking of why I used to really enjoy going to church on Easter. I liked the resurrection part of the story and the fact that they should have listened to the women and I liked dressing up.
We had DH’s cousin and husband for the weekend. I was really looking forward to it as his cousin in a whipsmart, bubbling, funny girl and we always have a good laugh when we get together. As a matter of fact, we were watching a show on hoarders and she actually made me laugh so hard and for so long, I cried and choked and fell to my knees. (If you have ever seen a show on hoarders, it’s not that funny and it makes you want to throw out stuff!)
They’re a lovely young couple, on the verge of TTC, but I kept my mouth away from any assvice. I’m not an expert in success in that area, after all. She was clearly besotted with my son and he in turn. They went out to a rock show Saturday night and came home late so they weren’t too interested in going to the culture centre with me the next morning.
Once a month, there’s World Peace Gongyo – we get together at the culture centre to chant for peace – and all over the world, the world, people are chanting at the same time. My friend and I were leading everyone in singing “I Believe” (the Olympic song). We even had our Taiko drum group give us a preview of their upcoming performance in a youth festival that will take place in Toronto at Roy Thomson Hall on May 15th. Now I know hubby has gone with me to lots of things at the culture centre in the past, and he’s made it clear that he’s no longer interested now that he’s come out of the closet as a raving atheist. Never mind that a couple of years ago we went to a Christmas church service in the evening (never in the morning cause that’s too early and too inconvenient and half us feel asleep) with his whole family just because THEY wanted to sing carols. The carols, you know, puts you in that gift bonanza mood. And no, they don’t go to church any other time to my knowledge.
So I took the Precious. It always bothers me a bit when I go to church with family simply because they ask me to and no one every seems to consider returning the favour for me. And no, it’s not cause I’m trying to convert them. It’s more about sharing that part of my life with them. I want them to understand why I chant, what’s special about it. I want to introduce them to my friends and my community because they are my family. The real reason it really bothers me is that when I was a kid and we would go to church, my dad would never come in with us. My dad would drop us off. He never came at Easter and he never came at Christmas. He just sat at home being a miserable prick. So it felt that not even once or twice a year, we would sit together as a whole family and share in some positive feelings. And it hurt.
So that’s why when one of our family members wants me to attend church with them I go. Not cause I’m trying to get them to do something for me in the future, but to be part of the family. So when hubby acts like I’m trying to get him or others in a pyramid scheme, I’m hurt, disappointed, and pissed off. So I don’t ask anymore. I try to understand that he does so many other things to support my practice (like burn the music CD to so we have something to sing to) and keep my grumbling/guilt tripping to a bare minimum.
As usual, DH’s family are the easiest guests and always offer to help out and they took us out for an early dinner before they left. I’m always amazed that his family get togethers are generally full of activity and laughter. I look forward to it whenever one of them comes to town. Envious, too. Mmmm. We ran out of Cadbury creme easter eggs. Damn.
A Woman My Age 