Microblog Mondays

Yes, my callback went well but ….nothing.  Crickets for the rest of the week.  So onward and upward.  That’s my lesson in attachment and being swayed by circumstances.  I get at least one of those a year.  At least I figured it out faster than usual.  I prescribed myself some more daimoku and a measure of wine and made it through the week without hiding in bed.  I  have felt like quitting the acting business a thousand times before and I have done the dangerous business of comparing myself to others.  Not a good thing to do to yourself.  So I stopped doing at least that. I always appreciate being able to have another day to begin again.

I had a lovely respite by going out with my friend and watching some short films and then a great party.  We drank wine and talked about our lady bits going awry and encouraged each other to really define what it is we want.  We could not stay as late as wanted to however because we had an important Buddhist leader workshop at nine am the next morning so sadly we dragged ourselves away from the thumping house music and got to bed around 2am.  She had dropped her daughter for a sleepover at our place and I had a sleepover at hers since it was closer to our culture centre.  The workshop was inspiring, encouraging and invigorating!

Today was a PD day and I actually took Boo swimming much to his delight.  I absolutely loathe going swimming well… because I can’t swim.  But Boo can and so I ended up going.  He just loves it so much.  He just worked his sly charm on me and I couldn’t resist.  So we played tag and Mr. Wolf in the children’s pool, I walked around mostly even though he insisted I take his goggles so I could swim.  I convinced him to hang out in the hot tub with me eventually.  Later, we hung out in the atrium and he actually sat in my lap and we talked and cuddled and tickled each other.  I have the role that really counts.

Microblog Mondays

So by Friday I had completely determined to let shit go about that missed audition and of course, I get a call saying I have an audition for that part tonight.  Of course, I am working all day downtown today.  But I’m cool as a cucumber.  I took transit and I schlepped all my stuff with me, so I will be prepared but wrinkled.  With a lot of chanting I’ve switched into equanimity mode and not getting overly attached to things that are just not in my control.

Oh, and we got a new car.  Well, an old car to be exact.  Hubby had a friend who was looking to sell her 15 year old car, a very well maintained VW Golf.  I insisted he get it checked out by a mechanic at first and other than one repair it’s all good to go.  So now he’s got a car so he can get to work.  Presently, I’m still stuck with that beast of a gas guzzling pickup, but I’m eyeing that car up.  It’s been a long time since I’ve driven a standard, but I’ve driven it once and it’s all coming back to me. Hubby does travel a lot further and frequently than I do and the VW is better on gas.  I will have to wait til my mother’s estate is settled and then I will get a small SUV that suits our family better.

Will keep you informed on how tonight goes…..okay, universe, time to shape us and get mama a gig!

Anatomy of a shi**y day

This is a story of a really shitty day.

Tuesday, I was sitting on my couch, dressed and ready to go downtown to pick up some headshots.  It’s not raining, I’ve got the day ahead of me, everything is groovy.  I’m envisioning a lovely walk in the woods working on my audition.   My agent calls wondering why I’m not at my audition.  WTF?  I actually begin to doubt I even know what day it is.  I have it on my schedule for the next day, same time.  As per her assistant’s email.  Check, yup that’s what it says. The callback with a well known director for a part I really want.  She tells me she can’t get a hold of the casting director as they are in session, but they are not casting the rest of the day.  I lose it!  I actually started yelling and cursing.  I was just at a friend’s late at night working on the scene that I’ve had all weekend.  She apologized profusely for the assistant’s screw up.  I tell her that her mission is to get me another audition with the director. I text hubby.  He texts back but he also calls.  He’s at work and he can’t really talk but he expresses his sympathy.   I call up my friend (an actress and a producer) who is just as pissed as I am and encourages me to just go anyway. I was so riled trying to spin the earth’s axis back to a time where I can magically fix things myself that I just ignore the casting session is already over.

I change as quickly as I can, and go find a Car2go about a block away.  I text my agent.  She calls me and says it’s too late, the session is over. But I’m there anyway so I figure I’ll just go ahead and drive downtown to get my pictures.  I get in, all done up in my fake 70’s garb.  The car does not start.  Windshield wipers are going, screen is on, but car doesn’t turn over.  The only other car in the vicinity is in the opposite direction 10 min away.  I was closer to the bus stop.  So I try to end the trip, but now the GPS is telling me I can’t leave the car there  and it won’t lock.  So I call up the help line on my cel cause their help line doesn’t work.  They talk me through locking it from the inside. They say they’re so sorry.  I want to call back and demand free minutes but I am walking and juggling a raincoat and my heavy bag, rushing to the bus.

I walk to the bus which magically appears in a minute.  I get down to the Seabus and try to load my Compass card.  There’s a lady with a kid at the first machine and as she moves away, I step up and hit the load option.  I put $10 on my debit then go to touch the screen with my card to load it.  It says wrong card.  It won’t go back to previous screen.  The Seabus is now in.  I move to a 2nd machine, go through the whole thing again with my debit card and load my card successfully, get the receipt and proceed.  I get to the other side and approach a transit employee and tell him what happened.  He says I put $10 on someone else’s card.  Swell.  He tells me to go upstairs to the office and tell customer service and show her the one receipt I have.  The girl explains that I now have to go to a bank, get them to confirm a double transaction went through.  I pick up my headshots  then look for the nearest  bank branch, get the teller to print out and yes, indeedy two transactions went through, he stamps it and I go back to the customer service.  This whole thing takes about 30 minutes.  She then tells me she cannot give me a cash refund but will credit my transit card  with $10.  Or I have to come back in two weeks for a cheque.  I inform her that I took my time to walk out to the bank to get her the proof required and the only reason I did it was because she told me she was going to give me a refund and I’m not coming back!     In fact, it is only the 2nd time I’ve used the card so how the hell was I supposed to know I was on someone else’s account?  She offers me a free ticket.  I want to punch her in the face but I’m a Buddhist and supposedly calm and compassionate all the motherfucking time.  I’ve already lost my shit once that day.  I feel my face heat up.  Damn it.   I started to tear up and can’t stop, took the free ticket, explain that I’m having a really bad day and leave.  Apologizing is such a Canadian thing to do.  The damn elevator has people in it and I have to duck my head.

Oh, and yeah, my sister is texting me the whole time telling me about her grief over mum and how she’s pissed that our other sister who has done next to nothing will be getting an inheritance.

I know it’s only $10.  I know it’s not a big deal.  Hell, maybe that person really needed $10 on their transit card.  And on any other day, the car not starting and the whole transit machine screwup would have me laughing.  But missing an important audition and it was not my fault, that made me feel powerless.  I’m already an actor, how much more powerless do I need to be?  If everything had gone the way it should have, I would have had my audition, I would have done my thing and if I had not gotten it, I would not have felt that bad.  I would have moved on, just another day in the life of an actor. Now it’s an albatross.

I talk to my girlfriend again.  I feel better.  I text another friend to please hurry up and send me some encouragement cause I’m having a shitty day.  I go into a restaurant 10 ft away from me and order a glass of wine (and of course, wait what seems to be an excruciatingly long time to get it) and an ahi tuna sandwich with fries. Too much bread and I’m bloated but it does the job. In the old days, my friend would have run to my side and we would have been laughing and drunk in an hour.  But we’re mothers now and her daughter is at home recovering from a virus.  I had to get my ass back home.

When I get home, I change, walk the dog for 5 minutes (sorry, pooch), and pick up the kid.

Now I have to say the evening improved (agent called with a promise of another audition which I will believe when it happens;  received a couple of cheques in the mail, my kid wrote me a sweet note) but I just took to my bed early.   I was just exhausted.

I realize there is no actual tragedy, nobody died, it was just a shitty day.  Seriously, folks, don’t let your kids be actors.

 

 

 

Microblog Mondays – Blech!

Valentine’s Day was pretty mundane.  I got roses presented to me from my son the day before.  We couldn’t get a sitter and a friend of mine had to retract her offer because she was sick.  Yawn.  Whatever.  This made me laugh, though.

My shoulder has decided to not rotate properly and simple things like reaching behind, pulling off a sports bra, or pulling clothes out the dryer have become painful. I cannot do my 30 min hit circuit and now I’m a tad miserable.  I was feeling so optimistic about joining up and punching my way to fitness.  I had started seeing a chiropractor which helped a great deal but have come up against his receptionist who has pointed out to me that I have missed 2 out of the 4 appointments I’ve made.  Well, one I was actually half hour late since I spaced out on it and one I had to cancel because I got an audition the day before (which happens occasionally and of course since I got the call on a holiday (Family Day); I could only leave a message).  I’ve also waited for him  for 30 minute and read an entire O magazine, but I get it.  My bad.  And of course, this guy doesn’t work mornings or weekends.  So then I make an appointment with a acupuncturist who is 30 minutes away and now I can’t go  because hubby needs the vehicle and I can’t get a bus to where he is much less get back before the kid is out of school.  I could take a Car2go but that would  end up costing more than renting a car.   I could borrow a friend’s  husband’s car but I also feel funny about that.  It’s not like it’s an emergency, I just rescheduled for the weekend which is not ideal, but there you go. Hubby has a line of a used car.  Just hope he takes my advice and gets it checked out by a mechanic first.  Here’s hoping.

 

 

 

Microblog Mondays – Sick day

This is pretty gross, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.  I missed last week’s Microblog Monday, but I was too busy tending to my sick son.  The day before, (for the first time ever I might add) he projectile vomited spectacularly all over the living room carpet.  He had just finished a pile of cinnamon buns and a glass of chocolate milk.

Poor little guy.  He had tried to make it to the bathroom but that didn’t work out.  I caught some of it in a tea towel, but when I thought it was done, I put it in the sink only to grab another for round two.   Luckily for me, hubby was working from home and had only stepped out temporarily so when he got back, he could steam clean the carpet, and I could focus on our son. He had no fever and was only sick for about 24 hours, then I just slowly introduced more liquids and solids the next day.  He declared he never wanted to be that sick again.  As awful as a sick kid is, it’s kinda nice that I get to fawn all over him and he just wants to lay beside mummy quietly.  It’s not something that happens very often, so I did enjoy being Dr. Mum.  He was good to go back to school 2 days later, so we were very grateful he wasn’t sick for long.  It’s time like those that make me feel grateful that I get to be at home as much as I do.