Archive | June 2015

Microblog Mondays – Time flies

Microblog_MondaysGood news!  A mum friend called me and told me that her husband’s place was looking for a temp so I got the job and I’m still working there.  I was packing up office files and now I’m filing.  Unfortunately I have no f/t child care for Thursday and hubby is working so I’m going to have to break it to them that I can’t work on Thursday and my supervisor is working on the holiday but not the Friday so I can’t come in then.  This is where it would be really great to have family nearby to help out on those days you really need it.

I had a callback last week, Boo had his last day of kindergarten (!) and then a big audition on Friday.  Come on universe, throw me a frickin’ bone!  I just know I’m going to be very busy this summer and I’m completely unprepared in regard to child care.  I need work but I also need to not spend everything I make for daycare.  Mmmm, welcome to the real world.

Oh, yeah, kindergarten is done and my Boo is going into Grade 1 in the fall.  Wow.  Gulp.  Now I can finally appreciate when people told me  I was lucky to stay at home with him.  We slept in, we walked the dog, we had time for visits to the beach in the middle of the day and we hung out with my mum at Starbucks. A few years ago, I thought I was trapped in toddler hell  and I never thought I’d get him off my leg and now time is speeding up. He plays further and further away from me and when I lose sight of him for more than a minute, I catch my breath.  Funny how time flies.

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Microblog Mondays – Whoosh, another year older!

Microblog_MondaysFor my 52nd birthday, hubby surprised me with tickets to Lion King!  I was thrilled and had a lovely time.  What a show – I just loved the movie and the theatre show was outstanding.  I wish I could have taken Boo with us, but due to the timing and the expense, that was not possible.  He had stayed up late the night before at the superhero show and he was more than exhausted by the end of the week.  The inlaws had arrived for the weekend, and so it was one of those super busy weekends, celebrating their 34th wedding anniversary and then Father’s Day on the Sunday.  All in all, it was a lovely weekend with great weather.  I do have to say that I can’t drink like I used to and I’m still pretty tired.  Tomorrow I have two auditions and have a temp job coming up and also Thursday is the last day of school.  Looking forward to the end of the week already!

Microblog Mondays – In search of work

Microblog_MondaysWhat is it about summer that becomes some sort of transition period for me?  I knew when my husband started buying lottery tickets that we were in trouble.  Having two self employed people living beyond their means in one of the world’s most expensive cities to live in has caught up with us.  So I’m looking at leaving acting and entering the world of doing whatever is necessary to make more money on a regular basis.  Not rocket science, I know,  and I knew this day was coming but wishing something to happen and buying lottery tickets is not a plan, is it?  Hubby and I have been operating in two different spheres for years when it comes to finances.  We never really recuperated from the rippling effects of the market crash and we never downsized our lifestyle in a significant manner.  I don’t relish the thought of moving into a smaller place or a basement apartment with a kid and a dog but at this point we’d have to move outside of the city.  I do know that I mentioned this to hubby over 2 years ago and even made him look at a very humble townhouse complex in another city.  I had to drag him to the door once we got to the place.  Outside it was a little… humble and I had flashbacks of the neighbourhood my mum worked very hard to avoid.  It was clean and tidy but quite cramped.  We would have had to ditch most of our furniture. Our middle class sensibilities got in the way of common sense.   And now that we are both self employed, there’s no way we qualify for any sort of financing for a car or a home for that matter.  So moving is off the table for now.

I truly dislike transcribing as I am really more of a people person and the thought of hustling for more transcribing work is truly depressing.  I can do it p/t for sure as I have been doing for years, but spending all my daylight hours in isolation and silence….well, I might as be a writer, right?  That’s a joke.  At least that would be creative, but I’m not very skilled at that.  Also it’s not very profitable.

Another actress and I are currently brainstorming about what we can do to generate more income.  We are looking at starting an agency connecting artists to joe jobs.  We’ll start with ourselves first.  I am determined to meet our challenges with a high life condition without having an either/or mindset.  At first I was really depressed and thought of my mum’s life, how she gave everything to us so that we could have a home and food on the table.  She hated working in a factory, but was steadfast in trying to give us a secure life. But I also remember her all dressed up in sequins and singing and she radiated such joy and I wish I had known that woman when I was growing up.  Then I thought if could connect to kosen rufu* and my practice, then surely I could be happy doing so many other things as long as I use my natural abilities.

Any hints on the type of job that involves a lot of talking and shopping?

*” …a vision of social peace brought about by the widespread acceptance of core values such as unfailing respect for the dignity of human life” kosen rufu

Microblog Mondays – Playground drama

When your kid goes to kindergarten, your only kid, there are a lot of things that are new to you.  Of course, there’s the newfound freedom if you’re a stay at home mum.  I have to admit, I relished in those delicious hours, knowing I didn’t have to run like a bat out of hell trying to get errands or grocery shopping done.  Yet I looked forward to my son making friends so I could make friends with the mums.

The mothers of my child’s friends are quite lovely.  At this school there’s quite a lot of stay at home mums (or they’re juggling p/t work) and I am learning a lot from them as they have older children who attend the same school.  They kind of know the system and how things are done.  I had been warned about the fundraising and that’s no joke.   It seemed like every other week we were asked to buy something or pay for some group to come in.  I would just prefer they ask you donate to a lump sum at the beginning of the year.

Then there’s the playground politics.  Recently one of the mums has decided to shun one family because she thinks the other boy is a bad influence on her son.  I have not seen that family on the playground anymore.  I told her that I respected her decision in regards to wanting to protect her kids, but that I would not prevent my son from playing with the little boy, but if there were to be any play dates at their place (as there had been before with no incidents), I would simply go with him and keep my radar on.    That way I could ensure that no unsuitable videos would be watched or whatever.   Or we go to neutral territory like a park or swimming pool.  I’d rather get to know the family better than ignore them.  I don’t make a habit of parenting other people’s kids but when they are in my home, they follow my rules.  If they don’t listen and can’t behave (ie. trash the joint without cleaning up when asked), they don’t come back.  Hubby went to pick up Boo one day and spoke to her about it as well.  He said unless she had concrete proof of this guy’s character, she ought to careful about throwing the “abuse” word around. Some people think letting your kids watch TV and eat sugar is abusive, so people draw lines through some things and not others.  Now if I learn of anything unsavoury and I don’t mean gossip, that’s different.  I will always defend someone’s right to go with their instinct but I also rely on my own.

Who wants to know?

Over the course of Boo’s first school year, I’ve met a few really nice mums because our sons play together.  We don’t really socialize other than at play dates because they have other children to attend to.  In fact, I’m the only one that just has one child. Other than one woman, whom I had told our adoption story to last year during preschool, no one  knows our son is adopted.  Being a biracial couple often confuses people when they see Boo with us.  Or if his dad comes to pick him up and he is asked, “Oh, who is your child?”  “That little guy there.”  “Oh.” Most people  assume that I had Boo with someone else.  We are the same colour and we do look similar so I can understand the assumption but I amuse myself by never explaining.  If they really want to know, I figure they’ll just ask.  It’s not a secret but I hate just answering just to satisfy idle curiosity.  Women are rarely direct, though, don’t you think?

We talk about our sons, what they like to eat or how they are behaving, school stuff, and adoption is simply not relevant in these playground conversations.  There is only one woman I’ve met who adopted her younger child (and we had a great conversation last year about it)  but at a certain point, it’s more about parenting on a daily basis that is more relevant.

With one young mum in particular, we chat a lot and though she’s asked about how long I’ve been married or how I met my husband, she’s never asked about pregnancy or delivery stories (thank god), and I’ve never told her how he came into our lives.  But every now and then I get a indirect question and I just laugh to myself and answer vaguely.  Though to be fair, I have never been in the habit of asking people about their birth stories or family planning so I’m not about to start swapping stories about that.

Even the kindergarten teacher keeps saying how calm Boo is in class and where does he get that from?  Huh?  Neither one of us registers as “calm” people, I guess.  Frankly, both my husband and I are chatty and animated people. I just tell her that that’s his nature.  Then the other day she commented on how great I look and that I’ve slimmed down and she tells me she used to be 50 lighter and she’s looking forward to summer break and being more active again.  Oh, and did I have trouble losing weight after pregnancy?  So I just said no, I was never pregnant, Boo was adopted.  Okay, nosey, now you know. The fact that he was adopted is not relevant to his kindergarten education.  You were just curious as to why he had a white dad.

Now speaking of people who want to know about adoption but for a damn good reason, I went to the doctor’s a few weeks ago cause I got so sick with a cold and I started coughing again and wanted to get an antibiotic.  My doctor then tells me that getting pregnant is not working out for her and she wants to know about adoption, specifically which lawyer to deal with.  Wow!  You could have knocked me over with a feather!  In the decade I’ve been going to see her, she has not divulged one personal tidbit about herself.  Of course, she knows all my shit.  So I was happy to give her a name of a lawyer in South Carolina that a lot of Canadians use.  It didn’t work out for us because we had a lawyer out of LA matched us first, but this guy is experienced dealing with the Hague Convention rules.* I let her know that it’s a whole other ballgame, it does require a big shift in mental attitude and a ton of paperwork. There were many things I wish I had known before I went down that road and if she ever wanted to talk, she could call me.  I doubt she will, I don’t think that as her patient, she she’s seen me at my best (crying, miserable,desperately neurotic and in need of medication), but if you really want to know how an asylum works, do you ask the crazy person or the doctor?  Just saying.

I remember when I first brought Boo in and her remarking how healthy he was.  She just oohed and ahhed over him and she becomes so animated when she sees him. It was obvious she liked children and I thought one day soon, I’m going to be seeing her belly grow big.   I like my doctor but she always seemed so preternaturally composed; always thought she was medicated.  She’s the kind of doctor that  doesn’t believe in alternative medicine and I would hesitate to discuss any of those things with her in case she gave me the fish eye.  Did she ever try to the herbal concoctions, acupuncture, did she ever suck on pineapple to help with implantation?  I wonder if she had had those moments of crushing disappointment after a full court press of IVF and a bucket full of used needles.  Did she ever skip baby showers or fake a smile through someone’s pregnancy announcement?  Or did she just calmly go through a year of negative cycles and then not being determined to experience pregnancy, just shift to adoption as the next logical step? Who knows, maybe she’ll just turn up preggers.  I doubt I’ll ever know, but that’s okay.  I don’t need to know her business, I just let her know I could offer her my experiences as a guide.

*Adopting a child from a Hague Adoption Convention (Convention) country differs in key ways from adopting from a non-Convention country. For more info, please Google.

Microblog Mondays – Out on the Town

Microblog_MondaysI went to the wrap party Sunday night with the famous director I told you about.  I did ask hubby to go with me and even lined up a friend to sit Boo for a few hours.  I thought it would be nice to get out and have a few drinks (free!) and relax.  Hubby was underwhelmed with the idea and expressed that those parties were boring and suggested I take my girlfriend instead.  I don’t know how he missed the point.  It wasn’t lost on my girlfriend.  Wrap parties aren’t that big a deal to me anymore because I’ve been to my share of them and when you just a have a role that lasts only one day, it’s not like you to get to know anybody. I just wanted to go out to a cool Gastown pub and enjoy a summer evening; let the director know it had been a pleasure; maybe even bump onto someone I know.

When we arrived he was talking to a woman who turned out to be one of the producers and we waited for an appropriate time to jump in so I could thank him and introduce him to my friend. We chatted for a bit and then the producer promptly cut us out of the conversation by directing a comment directly to him. I’m sure she didn’t mean it but it really did seem as if she were done with us. Of course, I ignored her slight and ended the conversation on my terms and thanked them both for letting me be part of the project and went to the patio. Yet said famous director was lovely to me and was gracious and kind.   It was one of those moments when you just check with your friend to make sure that yes, indeed, that person just cut you out of the conversation as if you weren’t there. Perhaps she thought we had interrupted her, but really, it’s a wrap party and when every actor in town would cut off their leg to work with this guy, it’s just normal that people want to talk to him. I directed all my comments to both of them.   It’s called socializing and if you show up as host at your own event, you talk to people you hired.

Anyways, my friend and I did have a couple of drinks and caught up on a lovely summer evening. It was really nice.  I have to admit though, I was a little sad that my husband didn’t jump at the chance to spend a rare night out with me. Oh, well, his loss. I looked great.