A new story

I have a confession to make.  I still haven’t done Boo’s life story book yet.  I was supposed to. I swore up and down I’d do it 2 years ago.   I just kept meaning to and had it all sorted out in my head and  I always had some excuse. And now the questions are starting.  And we’re filling him in on more and more.  We told him about his birthmother a long time ago, but as he’s getting older, the explanations are getting longer and longer and now he knows he has 2 brothers.  And though he often just wants a short answer before he changes the subject, I sense that his lifebook would come in handy right about now.

He’s always been the kind of kid that would make a great big brother or little brother.  Pretty much where he fits in the life he could have had.  He remarked recently that he would like to have a younger brother to play with; just like his friends/cousins who share a room. Recently, hubby split with his best friend/partner in business and since they’re not really on friendly terms at the moment, we haven’t seen a lot of his boys.  And for the first time ever, the ex volunteered to have Boo over for a sleepover so they could spend time together.   Sigh.  I really wish we could have had another child but life just didn’t turn out that way.

I think the reason I just didn’t do the book was I started out being so insecure as his mother.  When he was tiny, it was it was all I could do to  concentrate on just the mechanics of being a new mother, creating new family traditions, building our family unit.  Then came the toddler years of just trying to keep him alive.  Then school started and new routines were established and the engine of family life just shifted into high gear.   Oh, I read him adoption stories and told him he was adopted but he  just wanted reassurance that he was ours forever.  It wasn’t until he became older that he became very curious  about his origins.  His questions are quite random but persistent as he navigates through his world.

While we were in a dollar store the other day, he sat down in an empty carton and I joked oh, my how much is this little boy and he joked he was $10.  Then later in another store he asked me how much he cost.  Like, when we were in the dollar store, $10?  No, he said, when he was with his birth mother, how much did he cost?  Who asked you this?  Nobody asked me, I just want to know.  You didn’t cost anything, I never paid for you – you’re priceless!  He smiled shyly and then we looked for marshmallows.

Some days he asks about the nature of death, how long will I live, or how tall he will be or why I have bumps on my face. He asks why was he born black though people say he’s brown.  He wants to know a lot of things.

I started his book tonight and instead of trying to make it perfect, I’m just going to do the best I can.

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7 thoughts on “A new story

  1. “I think the reason I just didn’t do the book was I started out being so insecure as his mother.” Yes! This! I haven’t started Moonbeam’s life book either… I don’t know what’s holding me back. I just need to get it started, you’re totally right.

  2. I think Boo will appreciate the life story book whenever it comes, and it sounds like he’s had it more as an oral tradition through the years. I can understand that insecurity, although not by experience yet, and how it would be tough. Wow, what a skilled response to the “what did I cost?” question. I’m sorry about the sibling questions and how that must feel, but hopefully those sleepovers help a bit and maybe coming home to his own space after the chaos might help him see benefits to having his own space? So hard. I have friends who have only children for whatever reason, and they struggle with when they are asked for a sibling and the answer is no for a variety of reasons. It’s lovely to hear how curious Boo is though, smart kiddo! I’m sure the book will be just right.

  3. Of course he is priceless! I can completely understand that you needed to feel more secure as his mother before you could make his book. I’m so glad you’re so secure with him (both of you so happy and confident) that you can do it now.

  4. I have a beautiful scrapbook album, papers, stamps (Classic Pooh & butterfly themed), stickers & other embellishments that I’ve collected specifically with a memorial scrapbook in mind for Katie… 18 years later, there it all sits, in a Rubbermaid container in the storage locker downstairs. I gave away the vast majority of my scrapbooking stuff when we moved, but I kept all that. Perhaps someday… I’m not sure what’s holding me back (besides laziness…!!) — perhaps the feeling that there’s so very little I get to do for her, I HAVE to make this PERFECT.

    But she’s never going to see it… Boo will see & love & appreciate anything that you assemble that will help him understand his own story better. So glad to hear you have started! ❤

    • Hey LB: Is it because the scrapbook represents that one last thing you were to do? And if it’s done, then what? Us human tend to give such projects such great weight. And in this age of Pinterest, it just has to be PERFECT, doesn’t it?

      When Boo started to ask very specific questions this year, I knew he was ready for more detailed conversations. Both hubby and I are trying to avoid him possibly being hurt by the things we know (and I haven’t revealed here). It’s more about what make us feel uncomfortable, not what is in the best interest for my son. And everyone deserves their story right?

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