The last couple of weeks, I went easy on my gym routine. Just did one spin class and then just took the dog for her usual walks. I was just worn out. I had a bunch of little annoying things to do so I did those. Last Thursday, I found myself stripping the bed, doing laundry, and vacuuming most of the house. Nothing unusual about this really. Except it was 5:30pm and I’m usually exhausted and bitter by then. So I must be feeling better!!!! Yay! I noticed a bit of spring in my step when I was walking Juju. The kind that says yep, maybe I can actually run a little without feeling like my legs are made of stone. The weather has been spectacular – blue skies, warm temps, sunshine – and it certainly does pick up my spirits.
DH and I have been talking a little bit more as well. We went for a dog walk and I communicated that he needed to pay more attention to me. I’ve lost track of the times his phone/TV suddenly held more interest to him in the middle of whatever I was saying. Most dramatically, when we went to Disneyland and his mum had Boo in her room for the night so we could have the whole night to go out for dinner, etc. We return at 9pm and he gets his mum to come to our room and recaps the evening with her! So romantic, eh? Hardly worth putting on makeup and high heels for. Shit like that has been happening for so long that I just got used to it and gave up. Not useful behaviour if you actually want to enjoy your married life. I’m finding it challenging to let go of the permafrost around my heart, though. What are my intentions and what is it that I need to do to keep sane? Clearly taking care of my health during this time in my life is crucial. I keep thinking about Christiane Northrup and what she said here. But that’s another post for another day.
His business is starting to take off (safety on movie sets) and he’s really having fun and interested in what he’s doing. However, having been in this business for 20 years or so, I know the busy times are cyclical and it’s just a matter of time before things die down and then what? Not to mention the crazy fluid hours which makes it incredibly difficult for me to take work during the day. One minute hubby says he’s only on set for 4 hours and then suddenly it’s 8 hours. Or more. Now when he had a regular office job and I was on set, it was no problem because he could be flexible with his time. I think a better angle would be for me to hustle up more transcription work. I was really looking forward to getting out of the house but it would be more flexible. Most of our stress is purely financial and it’s hard to admit that at our age we’re struggling while our peers are living more secure and stable lives. The temp agency hasn’t really panned out for me yet. I’m eyeing up the kid’s piggy bank while I wait for cheques in the mail.
But you know what, I’m feeling so much better, that I’m just going to take a chill pill, enjoy the sun and do daimoku.