The past couple of weeks, Boo has been spending a lot of time with his “cousins” and having sleepovers. He told my husband that he would like to have 3 brothers. Of course, the thing is that Boo actually does have 2 (half)brothers, one older and one younger but quite young. Yes, he knows he’s adopted and he’s aware that he has a birthmother but I purposely left out the stories of his brothers. For now. My gut tells me it would really sadden him if he could not be with them right away. At the age of 5 he’s quite aware in the age of Skype and everything is instant to him. They are miles away in a different country and sadly, at the moment, we don’t have the means to travel there at the drop of a hat. Frankly, that’s not the main point anyway. The point is that getting to know them would mean getting to know his birthmother as well. I don’t think any of us is quite ready for that.
One of the reasons I pined for a 2nd child was because of him. Since Boo was very young, he would ask me about having a little brother or sister and I’ve explained to him that that was not possible. He accepted that and moved on, never asking again, but I know his heart. He’s never been one of those children who don’t mind their own company. If he’s not glued to his dad, he’s asking to play with friends. He’s kind and compassionate with younger children and even when he was 2 years old, he would take the hand of a nearby crying child to draw him back into the storytime circle. It fucking broke my heart that I could not wade back into the adoption process to add to my family.
We’ve been lucky that my husband’s best friend is his godfather and has always accepted him into his own family as just that, family. He has a picture of him on his wall right next to his two boys and cares for him deeply. His sons are his cousins not by blood but by love.
It’s not that Boo complains or even asks questions, but it’s something we acknowledge as a loss. Having lived as long as I have, I can say with authority that sometimes having friends as your family can be just as rewarding as blood related siblings. If not better in certain cases.
Back at the beginning, everyone agreed that when he was 18, Boo would meet his birthmother if he wished. That seemed like a lifetime ago and I truly believe that it won’t be that long before they do meet. Again.
A Woman My Age 
It’s hard when your heart matches your child’s heart and you can’t make that collective desire come to fruition.
I’m glad he has other “family” – as you say, these can often be just as important – but understand that it’s still hard. For all of you.
This one got me right in the feels. Family by love, not by blood. Perfectly said. ❤️
Having lived far away from my genetic relatives for a good chunk of my growing up years, I know how friends can become the family you choose for yourself. So glad Boo is surrounded by so many people who love him.