Well, I’ve already forgotten my first Buddhist meeting of the year – DOH! – totally forgot to put it down in my calendar and it went right out of my head! Does this happen to anybody else? Even my husband asked if I had any meetings coming up. I usually attend about 4 – 6 meetings a month (I’m an assistant coordinator), but I have to admit I was feeling pretty burnt out at the beginning of the year. I love my meetings but perhaps it is the post holiday letdown that has dulled my enthusiasm. It’s been non stop since my mum died, all the funeral arrangements, the holidays, getting Boo and I back into the school groove. The cold freezing, sideways rain has returned after a brilliant weekend and I’m trying to stay strong. I also forgot to order Subway lunch for my kid on Friday (but I can buy that on Thursday myself) . There’s work, walking the dog, cleaning, arranging, sorting, and NOW on to dealing with a lawyer regarding the probate of my mum’s estate. I still haven’t finished cleaning out her storage locker, and now of course, I may have to get certain things appraised. Had I done that before she died, I’d have nothing left to catalogue. As it is, most of it is junk. There’s a stand up piano which I’d like to keep (but where? I have no room),some really bad art (including my own framed in 80’s pink and blue Peggy Hopper prints) and a couple pieces of plastic covered furniture.
I’ve been sleeping like shit lately. Well for months. When I wake up, I think of my mum. Or what I have to do. Or what I haven’t done. Or my belly. I hate going to bed and I loathe waking up in the dark. I do get going after I take Boo to school but I have so many loose ends, it’s like I don’t know where to start. So I chanted and cleaned up a shelf on the bookcase. Walked the dog for an hour. Congrats to me. I’m terrified of getting an audition, I just don’t feel ready. I need a pedicure so bad my toenails hurt, my hair looks like a rat’s nest, my hip muscle hurts (chiro visit in a couple of days), hubby’s back at work and because of some money my mum left we’re okay for now. I want to go back to working out which means I actually have to go to the gym and join ($$) and start eating better. I want to start doing the things I know will raise my life condition (bye by wine, oh, sweet wine) and yet there’s this huge to do estate checklist to get through staring at me in my face. And I have a Buddhist exam in 2 weeks and I haven’t cracked the study guide. Oh, yeah and I have to learn a song for my acting class. Did I mention I have to do my taxes for last year?
And instead of multitasking, I just want to stop and lie down in a spa for 24 hours with no cell phone. Or my bed. But I’d feel horribly guilty.
Don’t worry, I won’t lay down. I’ll get organized, hubby will help. I’ll get through this month, I promise. Sort of.
A Woman My Age 
It sounds like you are completely overwhelmed- maybe a day of self-indulgence would actually be a good idea? And I know that my own personal brand of self-indulgence tends to involve taking an hour to enjoy a cup of tea and create a plan to tackle the mountain of crap that I have to deal with, because I always feel more calm and in control when I have a plan. Hugs to you- I hate it when life gets so damned big!
It’s a lot on your plate. Yes, I forget things all the time if they’re not written down. I live by my bullet journal. The kids know that if I don’t put it on the to-do list, it isn’t getting done. Period. The calendar is a close second. But when that to-do list fills up as yours has, it’s overwhelming.
My life isn’t nearly as overwhelming as yours at the moment, and I still completely space things if they don’t make it on my list. Here’s to hoping January is a little kinder to you for the rest of the month, and that February is much nicer.
I think you need to be kinder to yourself. (I’m trying to figure out what would be in a Buddhist test. The two don’t seem to fit, if you know what I mean!) I was reading this and immediately thought you needed some moments of meditation. The chanting of course will help. But give yourself a little more time to breathe, too.
There isn’t even a score, just a pass or fail and you end up going over the answers yourself. I attended to some smaller more doable errands yesterday and then I just sat down for an hour.
January sounds overwhelming for sure. Lots of good goals, but so many things on the to-do list. I hope you can find time in there to schedule in some Take Care Of You time, although if you’re like my husband you can’t truly relax until everything is checked off the to-do list (and that list just keeps adding action items). I hope you can snag some moments of rest and peace for yourself amidst all this January craziness.